Go transform yourself

If you repeatedly pummel the face of one of the most beloved pop stars making music today resulting in fallout that could possibly jeopardize your own future as a pop star, I believe it is wise to forfeit your right to use "hit it" and "beat it" in reference to what you'd like to do to a woman sexually. Call me crazy. Chris Brown might: both terms pop up on Graffiti, his supposed bid for redemption in the form of a third album (on tracks "Sing Like Me" and "Wait" respectively). The album repeatedly suggests that it would be a lot easier to believe that Chris Brown isn't a callous prick if he did not open his mouth. Left to even the vaguest semblance of his own devices (a nominal artistic statement that has almost 20 producers and an army of label people, not to mention outsourced image-oriented specialists, propping it up and presumably approving it), Chris Brown fails at persuading us that he has changed as a person or learned anything other than the fact that the general public doesn't take kindly to woman-beaters. Poor him! Oh bother! He may not be a monster, but that's only because he hasn't grown into one yet -- he mostly just sounds like a big baby. Graffiti is so misguided that it is musical equivalent of that "Oops!" chain he so idiotically donned in the period between unleashing his fury on Rihanna and verbally acknowledging it.

("It was was basically talkin' about just like, you see it like, 'Dang, that's a big chain.' 'Oops.' Like, I didn't mean to stunt on you," was his incoherent explanation to Sway, as if anyone would gather that just by looking at it before they read, "Oops! I hit a woman!")

I wish that I could separate the man from his art just for the sake of reason: we do not choose our pop stars on the basis of the quality of their character. If we did, I suspect 90 percent of the currently famous would not have jobs. But the Chris Brown machine has made such separation impossible, anyway: personal discourse has accompanied every promotional appearance. Hawking his album and telling his side of "the situation" (which is to say: not owning up to much out of supposed respect for his domestic-abuse victim) are one in the same, so that he's essentially profiting off of pummeling. At the very least, he is being paid in attention. When he talks about moving past the whole beating Rihanna thing, I get the feeling it's because he's got albums to sell.

Just for the sake of contradicting this messy (if not flat-out sick) entanglement, I want to for a minute examine Graffiti outside of its context: it is a bland collection of virtually hook-free R&B that has an almost slavish fixation on already belabored trends (thinking outside the box here involves employing an accordion for a track). At times, this thing is so offensive and difficult to listen to, I wonder if he's out to abuse us. The hook of "I.Y.A." sounds like Autotuned animal death, while "Pass Out," is based on a lame sample of Eric Prydz' astonishingly wack "Call On Me" (itself the beneficiary of a lame sample from Steve fucking Winwood). There's plenty of material bravado (cash, girls and cribs -- it's just what he does!), a gimmicky "Say Somethin'" rip-off that incorporates the names of far better songs by the likes of Keyshia Cole, Beyoncé, Kid Cudi and, yes, Rihanna ("Famous Girl"), some inspirational dreck that's as transparently goody-goody as wearing a bow tie on a talk show ("Crawl") and a bizarre sex-jam duet with Tank, "Take My Time," that includes some anonymous female vocals, lest you think two dudes singing about fucking is gay.

Brown does nothing to elevate his pedestrian material because, simply, he cannot. The nicest thing I can say about him as a singer is that he is capable of carrying a tune. From an interpretative perspective, he’s all thumbs. Seriously, his larynx is as useful as a thumb in conveying emotion. At his most impassioned, he turns on this strained wisp of a whine – a yelp, really. Otherwise, in his only other mode of emoting, he just sort of opens his mouth and words come out. They are often dusted with an Autotune effect that gives Brown a robovibrato. He’s more of a pop singer than an R&B one, and as such, has never seemed particularly sincere. When he is earnest or apologetic or fun-loving or anything but a huffing, puffing little bastard in Graffiti, believing his words is harder than ever.

That makes two of Graffiti's most autobiographical (thus despicable) songs perversely satisfying. In "Lucky Me," he whines, "Lucky me, I gotta pose for the cameras even when my world’s falling down, I still wear a smile / Lucky me, even though I’m so damaged, I gotta pick myself up and perform for the crowd." Indeed, Chris: lucky you. Lucky you that there's still one person, let alone a legion of them, that you haven't alienated with your fists, entitlement and seeming inability to grasp even the most basic manners. Lucky you. The song "Graffiti," which wisely relies on guitars and not Brown's voice to telegraph its rage, is even more mind-boggling. Brown defends himself against his detractors by pointing out his hard work and ability to get awards shows rockin'. You can't tear him down because...because...he built it! He rails against the "graffiti you're tryin' to spray on my name," shrinking from responsibility like this song is an interview, all the while seeming to be unaware that he's done more to undermine his career than any blogger or random Twitterer ever could. It is truly bizarre that the wallowing of "Lucky Me," and the defiant ignorance of "Graffiti" ever made it through the superstar filters. I cannot believe that someone actually signed off on these PR nightmares, but I'm glad they did. They allow Chris to bear is his soul to the best of his ability, to tell us what he's thinking, and it's just as selfish, spineless and unrepentant as expected. Chris Brown the artist makes the act of rejecting Chris Brown the person that much easier.

Comments

[Sara]

Wow. Tell it.

[soulbrotha]

Yes, but did you like it? :D

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=45002402]

lol, dam. Great review, more so for the writing cause I dont know if you really did separate your opinion of Chris and his music at all. I dont think the album is much different from the last one. And had he not become infamous "Graffiti" would probably receive the same amount of praise as "Exclusive."

[Sarah]

Word.

[Joh]

How do you feel about the song "I Can Transform Ya"? When I first heard it I wasn't too into it, there's no real hook, and I kept waiting for it to start. It has grown on me, but I think part of it is just the novelty of it. I've never been a Chris Brown fan (though, after it was on America's Best Dance Crew I developed genuine love for "Forever"), mostly because his upper register just.. doesn't work. It is very nasal and whiney and labored.

[Anita]

Now only if other people could see this...I'm pretty surprised that people are people are still listening to this. He still books concerts and he's still on those countdowns

[Hannah]

He played at my college a few weeks ago and I was surprised to see people LINED AROUND THE BLOCK for tickets. It was right next to my dorm, too, so I basically spent the night trying not to listen to the crowd and fuming. I have no idea how people can justify buying his music. I hope you downloaded that shit free.

[Wookie]

Ah...Chis Brown hate is so satisfying. It enrages me how many people actually defend this jerk.

[Reese]

If I could attach a gif of a standing ovation, I would. Thank you, Rich. This review sums up exactly how I feel about Chris Brown the artist and Chris Brown the person. Both are lame.

[Edith]

What is more infuriating than the fact that he was even able to release a new album is reading the comments on iTunes. I'm a little confused when I read about the "adversary" that he's fought through. Did I miss something?

[Nikki]

this is awesome.

[Juliet]

If you repeatedly pummel the face of one of the most beloved pop stars making music today resulting in fallout that could possibly jeopardize your own future as a pop star, I believe it is wise to forfeit your right to use "hit it" and "beat it" in reference to what you'd like to do to a woman sexually.

That's damn near poetry

[Mar]

Excellent review, although I would have liked to see more discussion of the cover art, which is AMAZINGLY BAD. No self-respecting graphic designer is inspired by effing "Space Jam."

Also, gotta clarify: a bear is a mean animal from the woods, or, a verb meaning "to carry." Bare, on the other hand, is either an adjective synonymous with nudity or a verb meaning "to uncover."

So, you "bare" your soul. You don't "bear" it.

[trick please]

Wow, Rich. I agree. He can carry tune but it is hard to believe he's earnest when he sounds like a chipmunk. There is no emotion; it's just words.

[J.Renee]

So, you did nothing but talk about Chris BRown as a person. Everybody seems to think that Chris is living for them. News Flash: HE OWES YOU NOTHING! He beat Rihanna not me, not you. You judge him not knowing anything about the situation but what you hear on the news. Personally, I can't say I dislike him because of the assauly, simply because I do not know him nor do I knoe Rihanna. You all are bashing him, but you fail to realize at the end of the day everyone doesnt think like you. To top it all off he's still famous, making millions because he is TALENTED. Their is no denying that the boy has talent, so at the end of the day you dont really matter. He's still living and making money because it is gods will. Damn, he's only a kid, he has plenty of time to learn and grow from this. He's admitted he was wrong numerous of times, and I'm sure most if not all of you all done did some things you are truly sorry for. At the end of the day ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE HIM!. YOU DONT MATTER!

[Alex]

Wow , it is special for me.

[Donny B]

Yeah, Rich, didn't you know? He's still making money because it is "gods will." Duh. Of course, it wasn't "gods will" for Chris Brown to, you know, not beat the shit out of his girlfriend, but whatevs. god is mysterious, k?

[Jen]

De-lurking just to say that this is what keeps me coming back to your site, Rich - you're a great writer! Love the interesting mix of pop culture, kitty videos, and incisive commentary. :)

Also, "...it would be a lot easier to believe that Chris Brown isn't a callous prick if he did not open his mouth." HA! Seriously.

[La Sexorcisto]

J Renee is a good representation of the kind of imbeciles that still defend this jerk-off. So it seems for the moment his career will be aight.

I always thought his music was pretty disposable. He's a good dancer though.

[Carly]

J. Renee, what the hell do you mean by saying, "can't say I dislike him because of the assauly, simply because I do not know him nor do I knoe Rihanna" [sic]? Because it SEEMS like you're saying, "Maybe she DESERVED that beating!", to which I reply "Fuck you and the sanctimonious horse you rode in on".

Great review, Rich.

[Queen Lena]

J. Renee and the other braindead lunatics that defend Brown disgust me. "You judge him not knowing anything about the situation but what you hear on the news." Really? Well I guess we can't trust anything we hear then. In that case, I'm going to choose to disbelieve everything the news says that makes me uncomfortable. For example, we aren't in the midst of two wars. Nope, won't believe it. Also, GWB wasn't president for eight years. Nope. Can't trust "the news!"

Though I should say that I never expected to hear about The Situation on CNN or anything.

Rich, as always, you are a man after my own heart. Brilliant.

[La Sexorcisto]

I'm guessing J Renee's real name is P.Q. Chickenhead.

[J-Mo]

I'm guessing J Renee was cheering when Mo'Nique was throwing frying pans and TV sets at Precious' head.

[James]

Please. None of you ever bought a Chris album or even listened to his music. So try again. I hate when people that were never fans or even know his music or own it. Comment on their 2 cents. NEXT!

[s2couto]

I was afraid to read this because I thought you'd be behind him, but I'm pleasantly surprised at your candor. I never understood what people were talking about when they said "Oh, well, Chris is talented and he deserves to continue on with his career making great music." He doesn't deserve to continue on because he doesn't and has never made good music. He stumbled onto a good pop song (FOREVER) that was written, produced, and peddled to him, a song he was quick to use to garner Doublemint's endorsement. The guy's voice is nasal and limited, he's no musical prodigy, and the fact that he can dance - dude, I can't SEE you when I'm listening to your shitty voice on the radio. Not only that, every time I hear WHAT YOU SAY or DOWN on the radio I think "Here's some folks doing Chris Brown's job." He's easily replaced, and already has been.

That TRANFORM YA song sounds like some 3rd year music undergrad trying to do "edgy." It's unlistenable, like that Pussycat Dolls WHEN I GROW UP douche rag.