I'm sure most people are going to read that headline and be like, "Whatever, Rich's just being gay again," but oh my god, seriously, if you have the minute and half, you should really watch this breakdown scene from the 1983 bomb The Lonely Lady. Every frame is an act of hilarity. I'm having a weird Pia Zadora moment for whatever reason (like, I'm so obsessed that I blind-bought a VHS copy of The Lonely Lady, for more than, like, a penny). From what I've seen, this is the most gusto she's ever put into a scene. She's actually a very natural actress, in the way that deer in headlights are part of nature. And she seems like a swell gal besides that -- fun fact, according to IMDb: "Pia Zadora attended an opening night showing of this film in West Los Angeles, where half of the audience were voting members of the RAZZIE Awards, and the film was greeted with hoots and howls of derisive laughter throughout. After the showing, Zadora gamely stood in the lobby and signed autographs for anyone in attendance who wanted one." I fucking love the intersection of not taking yourself too seriously and fame-whoring. This is exactly the state of mind present in at least half of the reality TV performers I have talked to. What a pioneer this woman was!
(Also, she cut an album with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis in the late '80s. This woman is a gift and I can't believe it's taken me this long to actually explore her work...well, that's not entirely true -- I've loved "When the Rain Begins To Fall" for years, but for some reason, I stopped there. Well, this holiday season, one camp-obsessed blogger is making up for lost time!)
The best thing about the scene above is that it's a result of writerly frustration. Her character spends basically the entire movie dragging around her screenplay to people who in turn drag around her heart. Above is what happens when push comes to shove comes to a typewriter. (Love that via the effects, the movie becomes just as unhinged as the character. How beautiful to be at one.) I used to feel that kind of frustration a lot in my mid-20's, and even still sometimes. I've wasted a lot of computers, tearing them into pieces.
Ho. Ly. Shi. It.
It's mesmerizing.
Posted by: Veganjesus | December 10, 2009 at 09:59 AM
Amazing
Posted by: AgentM | December 10, 2009 at 10:02 AM
What's so great about Pia is that she's not THAT bad of an actress. Sure she's no Streep or Cruz or whoever we consider to be good actresses. Its just that her acting style is more suited to less serious roles, and yet, during her career she tried really hard (as in had her husband pay for) to get serious roles that required incredible amounts of talent and dramatic weight, and then, when the directors were faced with the problem of a star who can't handle such a role, the film gets rewritten, direction changed, so that the miscast isn't as obvious. The result being terribly amusing movies.
Have you seen Butterfly? She's actually pretty good in that movie, I didn't think she deserved the Razzie for that particular role (the Lonely Lady, yes, but Butterfly, in the hands of competent film makers and writers, was a role that was perfect for Pia, she's the least of the problems in the movie). But maybe I just overlook the problems, because I can see why she has such desire to sleep with her dad, her dad's hot!
Posted by: matt | December 10, 2009 at 10:15 AM
Pffft, just looks like one of my usual holiday freakouts. Comfort and joy my ass!
Posted by: Annegret | December 10, 2009 at 11:22 AM
Ahhh, thanks for this! I have long-term affection for Pia. My best friend's dad used to be her pilot. BF(at age 7) was on a flight with her dad and unfortunately couldn't find the toilet. She peed all over Pia's plane. While most of the 'entourage' was disgusted with the whole affair, Pia just plopped BF on her lap...pee-pee-pants and all. What a lady. Plus, I read The Lonely Lady book about 80 times when I was a kid...ahem.
Posted by: sdrake | December 10, 2009 at 11:46 AM
Honestly, if you've never seen her in "Voyage of the Rock Aliens" - treat yourself. So much new wave fashion, so little talent.
Posted by: D | December 10, 2009 at 12:03 PM
Because seriously, "Rock Aliens" brought us this production number in a ladies restroom, complete with splitscreen effects. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCDzrAEgcls
At 0:56 - is she doing Lady Gaga arms?
Posted by: D | December 10, 2009 at 12:06 PM
I don't get it. Why was she freaking out? Did she just read her reviews, or something?
Posted by: S. | December 10, 2009 at 12:54 PM
I think that is an accurate representation of how I used to act in highschool when I was stressed about an upcoming test. Oh pia zadora, you are my anti-hero.
Posted by: crazyperson | December 10, 2009 at 01:53 PM
We have a photograph of my grandfather with Pia Zadora. It appears to have been taken at some sort of event or gala ... except that my grandpa wasn't a Hollywood/gala sort of guy, he was a kitchen cabinet wholesaler. Most people who would have known the origins of this photo have passed (including him), so it remains a big mystery that I only ever think about when I read or hear something about Pia.
Posted by: Mary Backstayge | December 10, 2009 at 02:02 PM
Gah, I remember watching this on HBO when I was 12 or thereabouts and being utterly TRAUMATIZED by the garden hose rape scene. Shudder.
Posted by: sairentohiru | December 10, 2009 at 02:05 PM
greatest freak out. ever. pfft. that's like, how i answer the phone. but i do hate the phone. i share a birthday with pia j'adora. though. so. that explains that.
Posted by: mark | December 10, 2009 at 04:29 PM
You're missing out on a major PZ club jam! "Heartbeat of Love" -- complete with remixes by C&C Music Factory!
Posted by: Patrick | December 10, 2009 at 07:16 PM
You've reached the perfect Pia Zadora obsession/Christmastime crossroads to fully appreciate the wonder, merriment, and all around brain-melting confusion that is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians! Congrats!
Posted by: Amber | December 10, 2009 at 11:26 PM
I LOVED her in Hairspray (the original version). She was the beatnik that said, "When I'm high, I am Odetta." I sought out any Odetta song I could find.
Posted by: Lauren | December 10, 2009 at 11:50 PM
Long ago, my high school boyfriend's father rented "Butterfly" for family movie night while I was over at their house and that was EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Although, I secretly think he planned it in advance and enjoyed the awkwardness that followed. Lack of boundaries is not a pretty thing.
I'll have to see "Lonely Lady" with my pill-popping buddies. It will definitely be a more entertaining evening.
Posted by: Miss Lisa | December 11, 2009 at 12:32 AM
I think that it is time for a Divine Miss Z comeback. Matt above nailed it. She was not as bad as her rep makes her seem but her boldface grab at legitimate fame way, way before she paid her dues (and developed her chops) is what has turned her into a punchline.
Or maybe I just have always thought she was hot and am trying to legitimize her anonymously over the 'Net.
Ponderous.
Still, I would love to see her in something current.
Posted by: onanboy | December 11, 2009 at 09:09 AM
I feel a strange bond with you once again because my parents had Showtime when I was a kid and I actually saw this movie. I frequently stayed up late in the hopes of seeing nudity and canoodling on cable(which is how I came to also see such sights including the Ursula Andress classic "The Sensuous Nurse.")
But enough digression. Wasn't the story on Pia that she married some foreign zillionaire who basically tried to buy her a career? Which should make you hate her but somehow she was kind of adorable instead. Maybe it was her self-awareness and the sense she would still put a child with pee-pants on her lap (what a great story!) Even as a child, I recognized camp when I saw it but I kind of loved her kiss off award-winning speech at the end where she said something like, "I know I'm supposed to thank people but I did this all myself so screw you."
Posted by: Vanessa M | December 11, 2009 at 12:22 PM
Her acting talent may be negligible, but she can belt out a show tune like nobody's business.
Pia Zadora - I Am What I Am
Posted by: Joshua | December 11, 2009 at 02:36 PM
Oh my God! I've been WAITING to have a Pia Zadora moment for ever! I haven't seen any of her movies yet--this was just the push I needed! I love this blog.
Posted by: liz | December 13, 2009 at 03:13 PM
Not realizing I had two youtube tabs open (one for ANTM and one for Pia) I thought that this clip was Jennifer crying hysterically in her shower after her critique at panel! Sadly I was mistaken!
Posted by: Tess Lee | December 14, 2009 at 10:18 PM
I've always loved her character in Hairspray.
"I play my bongos, listen to Odetta, and then I iron my hair, dig?"
"Let's get naked and SMOKE!"
Posted by: KW03 | December 26, 2009 at 02:57 PM
I knew Pia back in the day. We've had one on one conversations in her dressing room at the Riv. I knew her parents and my good friend Richie Lisella was her manager Tino's right hand man.
She's good people!
Posted by: Veronika Olivier | January 15, 2010 at 04:52 PM
She had a really hot body. I wish my body was so beautiful as hers. I bet I would attract a lote more attention when I go to the nudist beaches. It´s kind of sad I don´t really attract as much attention as my fried Cecilia does, with her slim body, small tits and big ass. I want (young) Pia Zadora´s body!!!
Posted by: Natalia Floripes | February 23, 2010 at 09:01 PM