I can barely believe what I'm posting, but slogging through Tarzan, the Ape Man and then finding the extremely NSFW image that's after the jump was like finding a pot of blowjobs at the end of a rainbow, except said rainbow would actually be a long, boring ribbon with lice in it from the Hallmark store and the blowjobs would be performed by animals, which is awful I know, but OH MY GOD:
I'm no prude, and even though I'll probably never do it again, I understand that boobs are fun to suck on. That's great. Everybody suck more boobs! I just cannot believe that the frigid MPAA was down with this (and still is since the movie is in print and everything!), and that Bo Derek, the sole producer of Tarzan, the Ape Man, was like, "Yes. That time that the monkey rounded second on me is sooooo going in the movie!" This has to be the most line-crossing thing I've ever seen in a film OK'ed by the MPAA. A cursory Google search came up with zero mentions of this, which means I'm either the first person to point out the fucked-upedness of this, or I'm just easily excited. Kind of like that monkey.
Anyway, here's a still. I'm tempted to transcribe this scene and read it for Porn for the Blind or perhaps recreate it with Winston and some peanut butter on my nipple, but I doubt even that would make it more real. My mind is blown forever.
I say you do the Winston thing regardless.
Posted by: Brian | January 05, 2010 at 01:51 PM
No comment.
Posted by: Josh | January 05, 2010 at 01:53 PM
I can't tell if that GIF was in slow motion or my connection is really bad, but that was the most extended, thoughtful nip sip I've ever witnessed.
Oh, now it's sped up. Definitely sexier in slow-mo.
Posted by: JRo | January 05, 2010 at 01:56 PM
I just had to hide this screen because my landlord came over to fix the toilet. Just wanted to share...
Posted by: Miss Lisa | January 05, 2010 at 02:06 PM
gross!
Posted by: gem | January 05, 2010 at 04:14 PM
and fuckin milk gets rated r.
Posted by: miks | January 05, 2010 at 04:55 PM
O_o
WTF.
Posted by: M.M | January 05, 2010 at 05:11 PM
Here's something, at least:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083170/board/thread/24969630?d=24969630&p=1
Posted by: clarabell | January 05, 2010 at 05:47 PM
My friend and I were turned away at the ticket booth when we tried to see this movie. Now I know why - she was just trying to protect us from developing unrealistic sexual expectations (re: wild monkey-sex).
Also, I'm surprised this movie even saw major theatrical release in Ontario back in those dark, prudish Mary Brown/Film Review Board-era days.
Posted by: spazmo | January 05, 2010 at 07:28 PM
The first time I saw Sixteen Candles, we rented the VHS from blockbuster. Said it was rated PG but that popular girl is totally nude in her shower scene. Same sort of thing thing with Fast Times at Ridgemont High. One quite awkward Christmas Eve.
Posted by: JANIE | January 05, 2010 at 11:18 PM
okay, I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet, because it's the first thing I thought of: http://www.public.iastate.edu/~garden/music/tori/pig.jpg
obviously the Tori pic is staged, not live-action. but still, I wish I could go back in time & show this clip to all my lame 8th grade friends who were shocked by the Boys for Pele liner notes back in the day.
Posted by: courtney | January 06, 2010 at 10:07 AM
The answer is: you are the first person in history to get through that unwatchable film. Congratulations. It paid off.
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Posted by: al lujan | January 06, 2010 at 07:26 PM
ew?
Posted by: L. | January 07, 2010 at 12:01 AM
"if the girls back home could see me now!" = my favorite line from this film and sums up every single scene.
Posted by: scott | January 07, 2010 at 11:47 AM
I watched this on cable. With my parents when I was like, 11 or 12. How the fuck did I manage not to run out of the room screaming in primal Freudian terror? Gack I don't even remember the chimp nipple fetish. I do remember Tarzan demonstrating his affection for her by splashing water on her bosom while Bo stood there looking serenely orgasmic. Altho, that is her typical expression. It must rock to be her lady area.
Posted by: Vanessa M | January 07, 2010 at 11:53 AM
The chimp appears to do that incredibly gently. It is likely just a straightforward sign of tenderness.
Add to that the possibility that Bo's head is covered in marshmallow fluff, and the conclusion is that the chimp is just saying ''great to meet you!''
Posted by: monya | January 07, 2010 at 07:44 PM
i guess she has a thing for being naked with the animals!
http://fourteenthward.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/bo-derek-large-2-792753.jpg
Posted by: piile | January 08, 2010 at 11:34 AM
hey, i'm not gonna suck on Bo Derek's nipples anymore after that!
Posted by: MJ Klein | January 08, 2010 at 12:02 PM
you should see the out takes
Posted by: Bubbles | January 10, 2010 at 11:44 AM
Easy, my friend. Rich, this is nothing! It's like the three second rule of dropping food on the floor - if you pick it up fast enough it's like it nevah happened.
Hmmm. Does that even make sense? Anyhow I agree with comment #1. Hope Win's not a biter though. Just sayin.
Posted by: Marieme | January 11, 2010 at 02:58 AM
Gee! I wonder how the girl feels about it??!!!
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