That'll do, Ke$ha

Imagine having to listen to someone talk about how cool she is for about an hour. Now imagine paying her to do so. That's what RCA is asking you to do by putting 22-year-old Ke$ha's genre-slippery-to-the-point-of-devious debut, Animal, on store shelves. Animal is as close to a musical laxative as anything I've experienced: it almost seems calculated to annoy the shit out of you. The only time I've been able to make it through Animal start to finish was immediately prior to this review, because the only thing that drives me to do what I do more than fairness is masochism. Clearly.

No matter where Animal finds Ke$ha -- a party at a rich dude's house, at a "Meeting in the Ladies Room" (via the soundalike "Dinosaur"), or paving "The Streets of Cairo" with Autotune -- she is intoxicated, and so much so that she thinks it's interesting to inform you of this fact at every turn. But, whoaaaa-style drunkenness is no match for her when it comes to coolness. Ke$ha is the coolest thing in any situation she faces, not just when she's lighting up the party. "Backstabber" finds her "feelin' kinda special, really," because her betrayer is talking about her. In the particularly excruciating "Stephen" (the Autotuned harmonies sound like satire, but since they aren't, they are, in fact, tragedy), she wonders why her titular object of desire with an "ugly girlfriend" won't give her the time of day, since she "can charm the pants off anyone else." She assures her ex (but mostly herself) in "Blind" that, "You must be blind if you can’t see you’ll miss me till the day you die." And in the bonus track "VIP," she fancies herself as even hipper than the club's elite ("I wanna get rowdy and this sucks!"). She says either "ain't no seat" or "ain't no scene in the VIP for me," as though that's her choice and not because nobody wants to sit next to someone talk about how fucking cool she is nonstop, not even the equally annoying assholes in VIP!

All this is to say that Ke$ha wants us to believe she has is swagger. This makes her no different than most everyone making popular music today. However, I hear little on Animal to back up these claims, and when you have nothing behind your swagger, you walk alone. Ke$ha's rapping (as much as it makes for fascinating Times pieces - and for real, props to death for Caramanica's brilliant "Changing the Face (and Sound) of Rap") is dorky and tongue-in-cheek enough to come off like a serious exercise in fake rap, and her singing suggests Alanis Morissette regressing all the way back to her teen-pop years. Her hooks inevitably thrust into Kelly Clarkson-style scream-in-your-face faux-rock, which I know people eat up but always struck me as very mall-lame. Her production is on the cheap side of electro pop/house revivalism. It is threadbare and dependent on Dr. Luke's stock stomping and/or power chords. One of these things would be enough to raise a question regarding Ke$ha's oft-proclaimed coolness; all together launch a giant red flag. Pop is a genre of artifice, but Ke$ha is a worst-case scenario -- she is the Travis the Chimp of pop music. We know it's silly to forgive wild animals' savagery when we adopt them as pets, just like it's silly to forgive these young fools' posturing and vapidness when we adopt them as pop stars, but until one of these extreme cases comes along, we have no idea just how devastating the depths of silliness can be. Sometimes catchy just ain't enough.

(Also, do not get to close because I fear that Ke$ha might rip your face off.)

When Ke$ha sings about dancing with tears in her eyes and just fightin' to get through the night, she makes me feel old. I have enough years under my belt to realize that when you find yourself in such a predicament, the sensible thing to do is go home. But I guess that would take you off display, and kill the chances to mock an old dude who's hitting on you, as Ke$ha does in "Dinosaur." It's times like these -- when Ke$ha plays ageism for laughs ("Get back to the museum!") and in the aforementioned reference to someone's girlfriend as "ugly" (is there an uglier thing you could say about someone?) -- that the annoyance darkens to hostility that you suspect might lurk underneath the facades of ardent narcissists, but that you're rarely get to see. I thank her for her lack of savvy. Really, it's so telling. To the "dinosaur" she snorts, "Not long before you’re a senior citizen and you can walk around with a sexy tank of oxygen." I'm sure she could be talking about me (I'm sure she considers 31 to be way elderly), and I'd be OK with that. I'd gladly take the hiss of an oxygen tank over whatever noise she has to offer.

Comments

[nicolelaroche]

I will admit the chorus of TikTok is catchy, but I think that's because it's basically Just Dance with different words and crappy singing.

[DraylenR]

I agree with the comment above me. Ke$ha lacks depth and complexity and intrigue. I don't really want to hear about her personal life. I can see that she's a one-dimensional flash in the pan. I'm not excited to hear anything else she has to offer. She won't get any further than this... Gaga, she ain't.

[FitoSaidWhat]

You forgot to mention that her voice is a rip-off of Uffie. Look her up.

On another note, I Highly recommend you listen to an awesome album by VV Brown - "Travelling like the Light".

It will make you forget that you even listened to Ke$ha.

[Jeff]

I agree with nicolelaroche, about the Just Dance thing, because that's exactly what i thought. AND I agree with DraylenR, She doesn't have the excitement that GaGa has. And also, I've seen a short clip of that TikTok video, and it gave me the impression that she was a teenager with ANGST! but i guess not, seeing as she's 22. oh well... RCA probably needed money, and this seemed like an easy way.

[Hortense]

And how are you even going to write a song making fun of old men when your biggest hit notes that you dismiss men instantly if they don't look like Mick Jagger?

You can't have your swagger rhyme and ageism, too, you know?

[Erin]

Ugh, "Tik Tok" is being played nonstop on the radio and it's so clear what the target audience is. This song will be played at every party so all the girls can get drunk sing along, but they don't actually have to sing, they can just talk in a really annoying, nasally, ditzy voice about going to parties and getting drunk. On top of that, it made even me feel old (I'm 20) to hear my friend's little sister (who is in high school, and a member of said target audience,) sing this entire song with the radio then ask, "Who is Mick Jagger?"

[Tati]

How Ke$ha has managed to break a record for iTunes downloads surprises me. Heck, when I first heard this song months ago, I doubted it would even get heard on the radio.

And don't get caught up it the ageism bit, Rich. I'm the same age as Ke$ha and I'd probably go home if I heard her shit on the dancefloor.

[confused]

Is it me or does she sound like she's ripping off the JJ Fad/Lil Trimm sounds in Tik Tok?

[claire]

I don't care one way or another about Ke$ha, but whenever there is a Lady Gaga versus Ke$ha war on ONTD, I tend to take the latter's side just because Gaga stans are so very annoying.

[aloria]

Kei$ha's styling makes her look like Katy Rose if she had decided to bite off Fergie instead of Avril Lavigne.

[gem]

scathing review, rich-loved it.
sorry you had to suffer through it though.
it's days like this when i'm glad to be a dinosaur-i have never even heard of her or that song.

[marvin]

I never heard of Kesha before today.

Thanks a lot for introducing me to this nonsense (I just went to YouTube and looked up some of the songs you mentioned out of curiosity.)

[geek+nerd]

Wow, this made me laugh. Hi-larious.

[Erin]

When I first heard that execrable Tik Tok song, I thought Tigra and Bunny were trying to make a comeback. I was actually a little bummed to find out this wasn't the case.

[Alexis]

It's bad.
Really really really SO bad.
That terrible one that is played on the radio constantly is bad.
The dollar sign in her name is bad.
The cover art (?) is bad.
It's bad and it does NOT matter that I turned 31 over the weekend.
It's bad anyway.

[Wookie]

I kinda liked the album. I know it's fucking terrible, but that's what amused me about it.

[amanda]

FACED!!!!! I'm not into pop, but i LOOOOVE your reviews of all things icky. I've never heard any of this crap, but i can guarantee if someone is wearing gold glittery lipstick, i hate them,m and everything they've ever done :)

[Faith [The Position]]

Shit, Im 25 and i keep turning this song off and adeleting it off my nieces computer...shell download, play it, walk off...come back and wonder why her song stopped playing...

i told her its a virus. ::grin:: it is!

[Faith [The Position]]

and PS, "musical laxative" describes this shit to a T, its perfect. You are a genius.

[Beth]

So glad others hear the L'Trimm. I thought I was crazy. The TikTok video is terribly juvenile. Like a 13 year old's rebellion fantasy.

[s2couto]

I just imagined hearing TIK TOK at a club and feeling my buzz disappear. I only know one person who plays this song willingly, and the same person also digs Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, so.......

I don't get the Gaga comparisons at all. Ke$ha is "ugly" herself, has a terrible voice, and a terrible hit song. What about that is like Gaga? (Speaking of Gaga, where is it, Rich?)

[Phoebe]

Fito- you're so right. The first time i heard the track i thought to myself, oh dear- what happened to Uffie!

[M]

You got me with this paragraph:
When Ke$ha sings about dancing with tears in her eyes and just fightin' to get through the night, she makes me feel old. I have enough years under my belt to realize that when you find yourself in such a predicament, the sensible thing to do is go home.

Even at 24... I. cannot. agree. more.

[Jeremy]

I've been listening to her album non-stop (I was listening to it when I came to check the blog even and saw this post) Yet again I find my musical tastes at the same level of a slutty 13 year old girl's... *sigh* I try so hard not to be one of "those people". Don't hate me, I just enjoy sh*tty, repetitive Pop music I guess.

[Trang]

I can barely make it past the first line of "Tik Tok," I applaud you for being able to listen to the whole damn album. I tried listening to "Stephen," and I was reminded of Kelly Clarkson's twee rendition of rock as well. Fantastic Times article though.

By the way, this reminds me that I await your review of Lady Gaga's Fame Monster with bate breath. :)