This is on some next-level, Pee-Wee's Playhouse-type craziness. It's a re-edit of a VHS I found called Bella Dancerella's Dance Party, a weird work-out video/singing-instruction/Dance Dance Revolution hybrid that aims to mislead young girls into thinking they can be pop stars by doing the butterfly, strip-teasing, practicing really hard and annoying the shit out of people. Clearly, it worked for its star, Bella Dancerella, a natural authority who's obviously the biggest star in the world still. Also, this video was released in 2005, way after the teen-pop explosion had boiled down to a simmering in Justin Timberlake's loins. I guess being a pop star has very little to do with timing. That's definitely reassuring.
This is hilarious and surreal, but most of all socially irresponsible: without follow-up volumes on avoiding the paparazzi, controlling your drinking, dealing with haters and weighing your opportunities once demoted to the B- or C-list, Bella Dancerella was leading children down an uneven path of uncertainty. She's a regular pied piper with a microphone headset instead of a flute.
Shout out to Hip Hop 1 and Hip Hop 2, though. Those bitches keep it real.
My eye is twitching.
Posted by: Marcella | January 13, 2010 at 01:53 PM
those turntables are missing a mixer
Posted by: seanbperiod | January 13, 2010 at 02:18 PM
Just found this:
http://www.laughingplace.com/News-ID10022480.asp
the audition info for this tape.. i'm trying to find out who this awful girl is! rich, what's her name?
Posted by: seanbperiod | January 13, 2010 at 02:28 PM
This deserves a Jessica Simpson-sized "Oh my gaw."
Posted by: Stephie | January 13, 2010 at 03:03 PM
This shit spouts straight up wisedom:
"Make your good better and your better best!"
"It's a girl thing!!"
"A popstar way of life: sing, dance....and GO FOR IT!!"
I kinda love how cynical this video is in setting up young girls for disillusionment...all for a few bucks (on VHS, no less). A cold, blackened heart beats in Bella Dancerella's chest.
Posted by: Jake | January 13, 2010 at 03:36 PM
where do you find these vhs tapes?
Posted by: gem | January 13, 2010 at 03:48 PM
I love that the Party Girl dance is an un-drunk guido fist-pump.
Way to beat up the beat Bella.
Posted by: that's Mrs. Nigel Barker to you | January 13, 2010 at 04:13 PM
http://www.angiesmodels.com/angies/displayimage.php?album=search&cat=0&pos=0
Melinda Books is the girl... she got the job through a model agency based in Ottawa, Canada. I'm so proud my country supplies these quality actresses ha ha ha.
Posted by: nicole | January 13, 2010 at 04:43 PM
Whoops, Melinda D. that is. I should probably learn to read.
Posted by: nicole | January 13, 2010 at 04:45 PM
E-Nun-ciate MUCH Bella? W H Y ARe TAlking Like You Are Drunk And you just LEARNED English BeLLA? I'm suddenly embarrassed to be Canadian.
Posted by: Allen | January 13, 2010 at 05:34 PM
Is this current? If so, these girls are going to be embarrassed that they made this video in 3...2...1.
Nice braces Bella: sing, dance and pick cheetos out of your teeth. (ah memories)
Posted by: Penny Boo | January 13, 2010 at 06:35 PM
I...can't believe this was released as recently as 2005. Wow.
Posted by: Jess | January 13, 2010 at 07:00 PM
Whachu talkin about bella?
Posted by: Natalie | January 13, 2010 at 07:58 PM
"it's not about fame and fortune, it's about DANCING!" perfect.
Posted by: rachel | January 13, 2010 at 08:29 PM
You can totally tell Bella is an utter BITCH.
Posted by: Sandro | January 13, 2010 at 09:19 PM
Holy shit. That was sooo much worse than I expected. In retrospect, I should have seen it coming...
Posted by: m | January 13, 2010 at 09:31 PM
My daughter has this in DVD (so you know it's new and moderny)--as well as Bella Dancerella Cheerleader and Bella Dancerella Ballerina. Yes, we are contributing to the disillusionment of our daughter.
Posted by: Lara | January 14, 2010 at 01:02 AM
Um, I meant "delusionment." Which might not be an actual word. Whatever.
Posted by: Lara | January 14, 2010 at 01:06 AM
Marcella, MINE TOO!!! My right eye just wouldn't stop twitching while viewing this wonderful pop culture gem. And during the fist pumping all i could think about was pauly & "'em beating the beat....good times :)
Posted by: Erica | January 14, 2010 at 01:26 AM
WANT!!!!!!!! I was just talking to my friend about how no one has made a '90s pop star version of Rock Band/Guitar Hero/DDR. Our dreams are Bella Dancerella's reality! Also I think there is some bad blood between Hip Hop 1 and Hip Hop 2... I wish we got a deeper more introspective look into their lives.
Posted by: chasgoose | January 14, 2010 at 01:28 AM
chasgoose: they have, it's called Band Hero.
Posted by: Jess | January 14, 2010 at 02:01 PM
i knew that girl had to be canadian!
Posted by: adam | January 14, 2010 at 08:36 PM
What the bloody fuck? This is, without a doubt, the damn whitest thing I have ever seen.
Posted by: that damn monkey | January 17, 2010 at 01:38 PM
I'm now a little in love with DJ Sugar, the best part of this fiasco. She's got personality, bad-ass dance moves and an amazing Adidas track suit...and she's a much better role model for young gals than crazy, vapid Bella.
Posted by: Lis V. | January 22, 2010 at 04:21 PM
Truth be told, many women have this same fantasy. Many more have even “busted a move” for their lover. Sound like fun? It sure is! Plus, the Romantic Striptease is an awesome way to show your big ass just how sexy you’re feeling. And take it from me, he will agree with you 100%.
Posted by: sexy ass | January 27, 2010 at 03:55 AM