The irony of this 700 Club segment on the "downlow 'lifestyle'" ("""""") I caught randomly (and wonderfully) last night, is that with its hokey reenactments and fake tears, it helps to be gay to appreciate it:
I'm of two minds regarding the ex-gay thing. Because I believe that no one is a better expert on my emotions than I am, it seems hypocritical to turn around and tell someone that what he's saying he feels is not what he actually feels. Being "cured" of homosexuality flies in the face of what I consider to be innate and acceptable (Whoooo! I don't need no cure! I don't need no cure!), on top of it supporting the ludicrous "choice" argument made by the hateful and unsympathetic (homosexuality is a choice in the same way that going out to get food so that you don't starve is a choice), but if Tony Spears wants to put on broad, five-minute theater to convince us he's banging chicks now, well, whatever! I love the ultimate implication that you can be cured of desire, but that the gay sensibility is resistant to prayer. Reassuring!
Maybe if the way to "cure" homosexuality is through prayer, the way to cure homophobia is through laughter. I'm so sick of being depressed by shit that it's worth a try. Also, someone brings up a great point in the YouTube comments of this video (of all places!): "What a joke!! Downlow means NOBODY KNOWS !!!!! and that means NOBODY!!!! The fact that he is doing drag in his earlier years (with his family seeing him and calling him Tonette) and ppl at school are calling him gay clarifies him as NOT BEING ON THE DOWNLOW!!!!!!!!!!" Not that I'd expect Pat Robertson to be anything but naked with his ignorance.
Oh, well at least they did a good job of explaining that people become gay because of a lack of a father figure. That is why he stayed with his first boyfriend for a year.
Posted by: Soma2zoot | February 26, 2010 at 09:48 AM
This is a parade of hand-wringing hilariousness...'gay beach!', 'downlow!', 'high heels!' all with melodramatic reenactments!
But my favorite: "Fully engaged in the homosexual lifestyle" (I see Picard spouting this off...cuz I'm lame)
Outside of that, it's just depressing and patronizing (Pat at the very end of the clip). Despite the 'happy' ending, I doubt those DL days have been forever vanquished...tik tok, tik tok...
Posted by: Joline | February 26, 2010 at 10:03 AM
Now we all know what having a gay Tracy Morgan would be like.
Posted by: Aaron | February 26, 2010 at 10:09 AM
but there will never be a cure for his gay-face.
Posted by: M | February 26, 2010 at 10:45 AM
"Growing up in a single parent home with no positive Male Role Model..." Give me a break.
Posted by: Billl | February 26, 2010 at 10:49 AM
I'd be interested to know what "bible passage" he was pointing to that said "homosexuality is absolutely forbidden". Not finding that in my copy at all.
It appears to be followed by a prohibtion against men having sex with female animals.
So if we're reading Leviticus (in a fairly liberal translation, we also want to kill any woman who is not a virgin when she marries, kill football players because they touch the skins of unclean animals, and we are free to take slaves as long as they aren't of our own tribe.
What bunk!
Posted by: Larry OC | February 26, 2010 at 11:11 AM
infuriating, ignorant bullshit.
Posted by: e | February 26, 2010 at 12:20 PM
So, they're saying that he "choose" to be gay in middle school while being teased for being gay.
Logic: They have none.
Posted by: RP | February 26, 2010 at 01:12 PM
Apparently God couldn't even save him from that awful bucket hat *bitchily sips flirtini*
Posted by: theEnormousRoom | February 26, 2010 at 01:12 PM
Which one is wearing the wedding dress? At 4:40.
Posted by: Chuck | February 26, 2010 at 01:41 PM
While the voiceover makes me feel queasy and this was not happy viewing, there's something kind of hilarious about the re-enacted scenes.
Posted by: Laura @ Hungry and Frozen | February 26, 2010 at 02:54 PM
The fact that anyone takes that ass factory Robertson's ravings seriously attests to a fundamental flaw in our species mental processes. The fact that there are teens in fundie houses watching this right now and wondering why God won't deliver them into "normalcy"....no words.
You know what I did find funny is re-enactment Tony was substantially hotter than real Tony.
Posted by: Vanessa M | February 26, 2010 at 02:57 PM
"A new life! A new way of thinking! It amazes you!" Damn right! And what luck...as a bonus he and his wife have the same shoe size...huzzah!
Posted by: frigg | February 26, 2010 at 05:58 PM
Does anyone else find it hilarious that he stopped having sex with men after "an encounter with a loving God"? An "encounter"? Really?
Posted by: Royaldutch | February 26, 2010 at 06:27 PM
He was lured into the homosexual lifestyle? I hope the nice man in the van at least gave him some candy first...
Posted by: Robert | February 26, 2010 at 09:57 PM
okay, I tried to watch it, twice, can't do it. MAKES ME TOO MAD. YARG, breathe, I'm going to watch "RuPaul's Drag Race" now and think happy thoughts, la tee dah...
Posted by: liz | February 27, 2010 at 01:37 AM
You know, those who say homosexuality is a "choice" are actually gay. Because the "choice" is to either be true to yourself or to force yourself to be something you really are not. That's how you can tell real straight people from fake straight people. Real straight people understand that they did not "choose" to be straight, thus they can understand how it follows that homosexuality is not a "choice". So "choicers" are gay people who have made a choice to become straight, which is the origin of their understanding of sexuality as a choice.
Posted by: matthew | February 27, 2010 at 02:11 AM
UGH there's so much absolute FAIL in this that I cannot even begin to comment so I will stop right now.
Posted by: Mo | February 27, 2010 at 06:23 AM
Watching that left me feeling stabby. What a lonely life he must be leading.
Posted by: Iris | February 27, 2010 at 06:57 AM
I think they are a closeted couple!!! All I have to say!!!
P.S. - Don't leave the closet open once you're out!!!
Posted by: crazyguymiau | February 27, 2010 at 01:17 PM
Um you need to take off your mother's innocent high heels for a second and consult your dictionary missy - it's spelled "HOMASEXSHAL." If you don't believe me, listen to the charming dramatic narratress (is that you Diane Sawya??)pronounce it 999 times.
Posted by: chikochevere | February 27, 2010 at 01:54 PM
He went to a gay beach (as many heterosexuals due it's called Spring Bling) and had sex with 4 to 5 men a day (as many heterosexuals due on Spring Bling).
My uncle is heterosexual and fucked 15 girls (him and his friend also filmed a few) on his first spring break in Daytona back in the 90's.
WICKED HETEROSEXUAL LIFESTYLE.
Posted by: Mr. FAMU | February 27, 2010 at 05:42 PM
I feel sad for his wife/beard. If some guy told me that he "used to be gay" I would not be surprised to find loads of gay porn in the cache when the family computer crashes one day.
Posted by: Cait | February 28, 2010 at 04:45 PM
Those "wedding" pictures couldn't have looked more fake.
Posted by: CC | February 28, 2010 at 06:43 PM
that was sheer fuckery, but hilarious. i hate the use of the word "cure", as if it's a disease that you can rid yourself of with a good dose of antibiotics. i don't think you can cure yourself of what you are. you can "choose" to deny who you are and live a lie, but you can't cure yourself. i am so tired of people demonizing homosexuality, and using flimsy evidence that God doesn't approve. I don't buy any of it. I think we were all made the way we are supposed to be (gay, straight, whatever) and that God would no sooner rebuke a gay person than someone with freckles. If God is really about love, then he loves all of us the way we are.
i hope tony's wife knows that he will probably still be fucking men in the near and distant future. he will busting nuts with dudes forever. and that's okay. it's the lying to his wife that is not cool. i just wish he had the courage to be true to himself.
Posted by: coffeeheathtoffeecrunch | February 28, 2010 at 07:03 PM