Easter cheer!

At this holiest of holy time (at least for Christians), I thought we could all use an anthropomorphized, born-again hymnal who comes off as a mixture of Ronald McDonald and a blue Satan and who pours water and "vanilla pudding" on badly dubbed children:

I believe that Psalty is somehow affiliated with Everything Is Terrible fav Colby. If not, they should totally hook up. 

Also, the little girl who opens this re-edit and who also complains about "a kid in my school who always hogs all the toys" is clearly the break-out of this thing. What a star. Her name is Shelly Durham. It should be household by now, since she filmed this in 1994. I don't know what went wrong with her career.

As a hallowed bonus, here's a clip Dr. Laura Schlessinger's God's Top 10, which illustrates the seventh commandment by showing two mice getting married by a cat:

This is much like the Kingdom Chums video I posted for Valentine's Day, which also featured animals getting married to illustrate the rule of "You shall not commit adultery." Why do all of these Christians want animals to be monogamous so badly? It ain't gonna happen, guys.

Comments

[T.R]

Oh my god!
I grew up to the Psalty cassette tapes, but I never knew there was an actual video.
My childhood is shattered, and I am perturbed.

[Mike]

Is it just me or was that furniture intended to be vaguely-black, and why did they reference a virulently racist film?

[Dan]

That mouse bride has very prominent facial hair. Gay mouse marriage?

[Miss lisa]

Now we know why so many people in this country are completely FUCKED UP. Praise the FourFour!

And yes, the bureau making that pun--the most disturbing aspect of an already very demented entertainment concept.

[Cass]

Birth Of A Nation??? What is those black kid doing there?

[Alex]

Holy wtf. Little black girl in the blue-eyed costume FTW. Insert eye roll here.

[kim]

Yeah, I also like to make jokes about epic-length, KKK-glorifying films from the 1910s in kids Christian media too.

And by "also like," I mean "find it confusing, unnecessary and potentially inappropriate."

[Stacia]

Christ! (Pun intended). I actually was in a play that featured Psalty the singing songbook and some mouse who wanted to be a rockstar. I did hope I would never have to suffer through that memory again. We're singing praises unto J-E-S-U-S our savior!

[chibawafu]

OMG!! I had a Psalty tape when I was 5...I totally forgot about this little piece of horror

[Beesus]

Vanilla-Pudding Boy (for so he shall be known) resembles a downsed Johnathan Taylor Thomas. Just sayin'.

[Vanessa M]

I was going to comment on how....odd the Birth of a Nation reference was but I see I wasn't the only one.

I had never heard of this shite but it certainly had an audience judging from the other comments. What is heart-warming is that kids fed on a diet of Psalty grew up to be fans of this blog.

That mouse marriage is yet one more reason why Dr. Laura needs a good nut punching.

[Dan]

Psalty immediately brought forth visions of John Leguizamo's portrayal of Clown (Violator) in the Spawn movie.

I'm not sure which freaks me out more.

[A.P.]

That whole Psalty video was hilarious, god so many sexual undertones with Psalty's delicious white pudding. Speaking of white, what the hell was with that Birth of a Nation comment?

[RW]

My mouth dropped with that Birth of a Nation b.s. And I had just been wondering why Psalty looked like Al Jolson when she dropped that pun. That's when it all came together.

[MES]

That "hand" looks like a turkey leg.

[Janelle]

bertha the bureau scares me in the way that peewee herman did, which is to say lots.

also, i bore a strong resemblance to the 'god loves me' girl as a child. mainly because i had the same spiral permed hair and bangs when i was that age. on that note, it's like watching myself sing that. this whole video pretty much creeped me out now that i think about it.

[Francesco]

did you hear erykah badu got charged for her 'window seat' music video?

http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2010/04/02/4107181-erykah-badu-charged-over-dallas-nude-video-shoot

what's your take on it?

[Amy]

God luhs me <3

[J]

Oh sweet Jesus. A couple of years I had to play Psalty in the Christmas play.

[Jacqueline Howell]

HOW'S THAT TASTE, JOSH?!

Nothing more to say

except it's followed seconds later by ripping down
Josh's house!

[Jacqueline Howell]

The first "lil red headed girl" seems familiar. Early Barney? (lifelong babysitter) but when you slowed her down I realized-she's just beelzebub!

[Joshua]

I don't know why, but the breakout star kid reminded me of Anna Nicole's cousin Shelly, so it was especially weird to then scroll down and learn that the kid's name was Shelly.

[adam]

I grew up with Psalty, too!
I am sure you meant it as a joke, but if memory serves, Colby and Psalty were from rival evangelical record labels. Colby was obviously cooler because he was a computer and not a book. Also, Psalty was a lot more Jesus Movement 70s and kind of corny, and Colby had raps, ok? No contest. I have a memory from fourth grade of this youngish mom from church trying to memorize the dances from the first Colby video. She was so cool ...

[jeru]

"how does that taste josh?" asks Psalty as he pours his vanilla pudding all over the kid's face.

[whits]

god, i have to admit i was in one (or more?) Psalty plays. my mom even played Psalty once. but as another commenter said, I'm finding it hilarious that so many of us recovering Psalty sufferers found our way here. :)