Thou shalt not kiss

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Above, clips from Pamela's Prayer, another gem procured from the Holy Land Experience gift shop. This one's straight-up propaganda, warning teens against the dangers of dating and kissing. I guess the rationale was, "This pro-abstinence education is working so well! Let's kick it up a notch!" There's also a great subplot involving the puritanical father's job as a Christian-films librarian, which gives him cause to explain the importance of Christian cinema. That makes this shit meta-propaganda. If that isn't innovation in the field of proselytizing, I don't know what is.

Comments

[April]

Talk about creepy!

[Bill]

Wow, it looks like that dad was hoping to share all those first kisses with his daughter. And more.

[Mary]

This looks like one of the greatest movies ever, basically. The weird sexual tension between, well, everyone is at once incredibly creepy and beyond hilarious.

[Amanda Huggins]

My parents made me watch this when I was in middle school. They thought it would keep us abstinent, ha. We watched the Christian films shown on some cable channel every Friday night. I had a huge crush on David A.R. White because of it.

Have you ever heard of Rigoletto? It's a bizarre Christian kids movie.

[twitter.com/kpurkiss1010]

The dad is so creepy in this. So so creepy. :/

[Rob]

The dad is such a fucking creep. He is going to make out with Pamela AND her nerd husband. And her friend, and the gay porn looking jock with the blond mullet.

[Louise]

That man scares me. How did I not see these types of things growing up? I spent my first 5 years of education at a very legalistic christian school, where I got yelled at for showing off my ass when tying a sweatshirt around my waist... in fourth grade. Fifth grade is prime brain washing time. I'm going to rank this video up there with the "side hug" movement in terms of most ridiculous.

I have read about Christian couples not having any physical interaction until they're married, but mostly they were people going into their second relationships. Creepo Dad would not have approved.

[cathy]

it's all about framing, isn't it?

[tatl]

I actually somewhat empathize with the idea of sharing everything just for one person, just because for me personally, that would be optimal. But unfortunately, it's not realistic, and furthermore, it's totally insane to portray a girl who kisses her boyfriend in high school as a slut. And people who aren't Christian and kiss outside of marriage don't just go around kissing everyone just because it's fun.

And I love how the rumor is that they made out, when in the real world, it would be that they fucked.

[Stephanie]

"Have you ever heard of Rigoletto? It's a bizarre Christian kids movie."

Oh Amanda, I can't believe there's someone else on here who watched the same Christian videos I did when I was growing up! Although the weird thing is that Rigoletto is, like, the only of those Christian videos I have good memories of - I remember liking it. I'd probably feel differently if I saw it now. Doesn't someone die at the end at the dam? And it's all sad?

McGee and Me, anyone? Or the Hanna-Barbera Bible cartoons that had celebrities doing the voices? Appropriate casting, too - for example, Tim Curry voiced Satan in the Adam and Eve video.

[Andy]

Oh god, the scene at the 1 minute mark is terrifying.

[Vanessa M]

Yes there is nothing better than finding out after you are married that your husband is a mouth breathing no tongue kisser with halitosis.

I guarantee you she'll find out within a few years that nice sweater nerd may have never kissed a girl before but he's given some mean fellatio.

[H]

The guy who played her husband had serious gay face.

[veg]

An acquaintance once told me the following and I'll never, ever forget it:

"I hate kissing. I just like sucking c*ck and licking a**."

[Beth]

I kept waiting for the dad to slowly lick Pamela's cheek, Terminator-style.

[Roger]

"And people who aren't Christian and kiss outside of marriage don't just go around kissing everyone just because it's fun."

Yeah we do!!

----

I realize this video is posted here because it's so ridiculous that it's funny, but I'm actually kind of pissed off about it. It should be a crime for parents to fill their kid's heads with such creepily bizarre, patriarchal bull. Love is not zero-sum, it's infinite. Kiss all you want kids, there's plenty to go around.

Although I'm disappointed at the higher than average rate of teen pregnancy among "abstinent" Christians, it's somewhat gratifying to know that this lame propaganda doesn't seem to work very well.

[mona]

Rich, I actually watched this in high school because I attended a baptist school that funneled most of its students to pensacola christian college or bob jones university. You think this clip is bad, watch the whole thing. Pamela calls up her dad on her wedding night and prays over the phone. We also watched the same halloween film that talked about wiccans and baby-eating satanists. That one should be on youtube.

[Mel]

When it panned away to the dad during the wedding kiss, I seriously expected to see him jerking off.

[Gretchenkoch]

This is more disturbing than the Human Centipede movie.

[mfg]

I've dumped people over being bad kissers. So my uber-Christian wedding would end with a divorce.
Ack! Yes, God wants me to spend the rest of eternity with someone based on everything BUT physical compatibility so that we can reinforce each others specialness by having miserable sex. That is my definition of hell.
I'm gonna go get off to some Song of Solomon.

[Gabby]

This reminds me of that scary ass, real life (not my life, but some people's lives) documentary about "Purity Balls" on TLC that ran a few months ago..I think it may have been covered on jezebel. The fathers on that doc pretty much dictated the same BS to their daughters, i.e., that they have to wait until engagement/marriage to even kiss. It seriously blew my mind. It also served as a nice reality check for me because I get irritated that my older, more conservative parents are generally against things like cohabitating before engagement/marriage ("why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?"...GROAN.) so it was sorta nice in a sick sad world type of way to see that hey, I seriously don't have it so bad. At all. But yeah, this video is creepy as hell and the fact that this backwards-ass thinking exists today, in the modern age, is even creepier.

[Boodie]

My god that is soooo damn creepy, her father is uber yucky.

*shudder*

[Ramou]

I was really hoping that the kiss would be followed by a record scratching and Pamela saying, "This is some straight bullshit!"

[Dawnimholte]

Watching something like this as a tween or teen would have made me have to go kiss somebody just out of spite. And that creeper father makes me sick to my stomach.

[Shelly, the cousin on your dad's side]

I will definitely have nightmares tonight with that father oozing to his daughter, "When you lay down on your wedding bed..." He obviously lusted to be there.