Lady sings...surprisingly well

I figured last Friday's trek to Atlantic City to see Diana Ross perform would be yet another stop on the Camp Express that is my life. At this point I figured she was delightfully batty enough to put on a show beyond her control. Around the time I secured the tickets, my father warned me that he saw her 15 years ago and she was terrible. I told him that was no warning -- that was what I was hoping. I wondered if she might pee her pants. I was stupid for even entertaining the thought, though -- as I found out from my seat in 1,600-capacity Ceasar's Palace Circus Maxiumus Theater, this woman only wears gowns. Obviously!

Less obviously, she was spectacular. Though her choreography never amounts to much more than pacing the stage, stretching her arms out to the sides to make herself larger than larger than life and using her hands to make sure her giant hair is as giant as it was last time she checked (inevitably, 15 seconds ago), her show never sagged. Her thin, reed-in-the-wind pipes were as close to top form as they'll ever be, remarkably clear and immediately recovering from any cracks and missed notes. I never thought anyone could mistake Ross for a powerhouse vocalist (it would be like making mansions out of anthills), but it was easy to do so during the blues section of this greatest-hits themed show, especially during Lady Sings the Blues' "Don't Explain." Like any great rhythm and blues singer, she told the songs whatever way she could, her voice filled with history, emotional volatility and good old charisma.

She introduced that section "for all the jazz lovers out there." What a cheeseball. Indeed, between the frequent impressive displays of showmanship, there were plenty of deliciously eye-roll worthy moments. "This one's dedicated to each of you with my love...it's 'Endless Love,'" she said before singing both parts of the famous duet (and if there's anything that displays the exact opposite of that song's titular concept, it must be singing an established duet solo). During that number's first verse and chorus, an ornate orchid sat on the LED behind her. Then it changed to a shot of petals. Then, a butterfly amongst lilies. After, she explained that the photographs were shot by her son, Ross (named after...her last name, I guess?). Speaking of flowers, at one point someone threw a bouquet up onstage and she pantomimed bending down so that a security guard at the foot of the stage would hand them to her. It was very pre-verbal toddler of her.

Her wardrobe choices frequently made me pray for the soul of the Muppet she was responsible for slaughtering. She wore a floor-length fluorescent green fur, a boa that looked like it was made of plantain-sized ruby red feathers, a princess dress with ruffles big enough for a giant's duvet cover that she had to lift half of to move, a gold-green-orange mass of shine and a puffy shawl that looked like it was made of a lemon-flavored afro (not all at once, though). Just watching her maneuver made me assume that her level of self-awareness is very high. Is there any real difference between masochism and being in on such a joke? (Indeed, at the end of the show before the Michael Jackson-tribute encore, she asked the utterly rapturous crowd filled with Atlantic City's version of WASPs and women dressed like Sylvester, "Not bad for an aging diva, huh?" They didn't think so, either.)

Best of all, probably, were her interjections. Among them:

• "Do you hear them? They're horns!"
• "We're going back! Memories! Reflections!"
• "Motown!"
• "Do you all feel the music out there?" (This was before telling us that she didn't believe we did.)
• "Do you know this song?" (This was after singing, "First I was afraid, I was petrified," the first lines of an obscure track called "I Will Survive" that isn't a karaoke staple that our pop culture sings in its sleep or anything.)
• "If you need me, call me!" (This she said at the very end of the show, although she neglected to leave her number. Must have been a mistake. Maybe next time?)

At times, she yelled at her musical support ("I can't hear the voices!" she said testily to the backup singers), but best of all was when she yelled at the crowd. "Diana Ross starts on time!" she snorted at some latecomers finding their seats, coating the song she was singing, Spiral Starecase's ridiculously chipper "More Today Than Yesterday," with irony. During the following number, "You Can't Hurry Love," she shouted, "No! No! No!" She made her band stop playing and then launched into a somewhat bizarre rant that went, "You shouldn't do this! Even in theaters in New York, you don't walk down and stand up in front of everybody!"

As YouTubeable moments go, this was the only thing that came close to one, and she was in control the entire time. Her level of competence is almost eerie. How fortunate for her.

Comments

[Carl Weeks]

Did you do anything in AC afterwards? ...Visit its singular gay bar?

[Dan]

Rich - awesome/hilarious as always, particularly the Muppet couture joke.

Also, will you please please please review Janelle Monae's /The Archandroid/? This lady is the future.

[Online Massive Income]

Nice post!i've always love singing. The photo is really great..i love her dress..it's really elegant...

[Tom]

Stupid , queeny review--grow up!

[Larry]

You sad, sad little person. Long after your children's children have forgotten YOUR name, the world will still remember and honor DIANA ROSS.

[Riofer]

Whoever wrote this review on the Diva of all Diva's needs to crawl in a hole somewhere and let someone seal it up so that they never appear again. You are most definitely DISMISSED you sad, sad little person.

[KIMELY ANDERSON]

WHAT KIND OF MESS IS THIS CAN YOU SEE A STAR IN THE SKY THAT'S WHAT MISS ROSS IS A STAR AND WILL ALWAYS BE BOO TO YOU REVIEWER
SAD SAD.

[Ronny Marshall]

Whoever that fool that walked in should feel LUCKY. The Tallon-like claws of La Ross could have ripped that common trash into shreads!

Go Miss Ross!

[Bernard]

Can,t wait to see her in Mempis and Atlanta

[Bernard]

Can,t wait to see her in Mempis and Atlanta

[Shemakesmesmile]

I've seen her a few times and for all the Dianaisms, it's really hard to sneer because it's a great night out, she's unrelentingly and wholeheartedly engaged in what she's doing and there are all those hits. I'm not sure she gets the credit she deserves, we may realise what we had when she's gone.

[MickWW]

She is and always will be the Boss!

[AntBee]

I love Diana Ross, and all her Miss Rossness! I am so glad she disappointed you and was great! I've seen her in concert a couple of times, and was never ever disappointed in her performance, she is a tip-top professional who's been at it long enough to still knock 'em dead! I'd love to see her again. I have a personal Diana Ross story that I like to tell, but it's too long for this forum. Long live Miss Ross!

[jeru02]

MOTOWN!
These are by my son Ross Ross lol
Wish I saw her myself

[coach purses]

Needless to say, nothing but perseverance can lead a man to the way of success. In other words, a persevering man never does his work without succeeding in it. This is indeed unchangeable truth.

[Orange Duvet Cover]

Great review...she is AMAZING!

[reflective film]

What a frightening song.
No snow just lots of sunshine! Should be a beautiful Halloween night~

[reflective sheeting]

What a beautiful tale, Suzie! Enjoyed the read so much, top of the afternoon to you too. You always match your pics. R

[reflective fabric]

This was the scariest story to me!!! I would run out of the room rather than hear it re-told, that caused trouble when it was my classroom I was running out of. I was afraid I'd dream about it, a fear I had about pretty much everything as a child...
Well told.
Happy Halloween!