This trailer is literature

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This trailer for the 1983 sex comedy My Tutor was included on the Lonely Lady VHS I purchased a few months ago. As you can see, it's kind of a main feature in itself. You know you're in store for complete trash when said trash's trailer has lots and lots of tits in its under-three-minute running time and it isn't even hardcore porn or anything. (I assume this previously was not posted on YouTube because of all the breasts, so I censored it because the world obviously needs this). This really gets going at the 1:20 mark (aerobics'll do that) and soon after we hear a beautiful poem that I will transcribe for you now:

It's a crash course in back seats
Special treats
Drag strippers
Loose zippers
Classic rods
Classy bods
Matching sets
Nice assets
Lovely tarts
Private parts
Knock-out knockers
Closet shockers
And all the action
All the excitement
And all the fun
Of everyone's favorite subject.
My Tutor:
It's the best reason yet to become teacher's pet.

William Carlos Williams, this is just to say YOU SUCKED compared to this. Danielle Steel, eat your heart out. Zippety click, I love My Tutor. 

(P.S. "Private parts" makes me do a spit take every time I hear/type/read it. Way to get us all hot with stranger-danger rhetoric, My Tutor. You so crazy, My Tutor. That's why I love you.)

Comments

[gem]

BLESS YOU, RICH! BLESS YOU!!!!!!

[veg]

A 30-something tutor having sex with a teenage boy would be considered child rape these days. Boy how things have changed. Even the older woman/younger boy affairs "so fondly remembered" in years past are now considered vicious child rape to a lot of people. And, of course, if the roles were older man and teen boy or older man and teen girl, then this sex comedy would have landed the producer, director, and everyone in jail for something or other and, in real life, if a man is the "tutor" then it always ends in his jailing.

[Wifebot]

Tell me you've seen the 80s wonder,Private School for Girls, starring Phoebe Cates? When the main bitch gets her top ripped off while she's riding horseback, I think I die of happiness a little inside. Every time. It's the stuff dreams are made of.

[Mardi]

I can't even believe this is real. Love the gentle female voice narrating. Today it would be a man being purposefully lewd and raunchy. (And, yes, I want to watch it.)

[vanilla]

my parents played this movie at a house party for everyone to watch while they drank beer and smoked. I think this movie severely affected me or traumatized me, seeing glimpses of it at such a young age. I was like 7.

[chasgoose]

1. I wish my parents had hired a live-in prostitute JUST FOR ME!
2. Disappointed that they never used some horrible line about how French is the language of love or something.
3. I loved how the preview changed from this innocent teacher-student sex romance to this really intense S & M deflowering factory
4. I want to go to there.
5. Srsly tho live-in prostitution whores would have been a really good way to get over the whole lose your virginity thing. Like they could even pay him/her to pretend to be a French tutor and that we were in love! ACTING.

[Dio]

Oh GOD....
"William Carlos Williams, this is just to say YOU SUCKED compared to this. Danielle Steel, eat your heart out. Zippety click, I love My Tutor."
Pure fucking gold. XD Now I need to see this.

[Jackie]

Private Lessons has a 15-year-old who looks like he's 12 sleeping with his housekeeper.

[erica]

This is just to say

that I ate up
your recap of my tutor

it was so sweet
and so four four.

[Katie]

That's the mom from Teen Witch!

[sk]

Any trailer that starts with RJ Fletcher on a tirade is golden in my book, boobies notwithstanding!

[Eric H.]

Damn, Matt Lattanzi looked like a buffer Zac Efron and had Johnny Weir's voice. Damn.

[Jason Miller]

This trailer is as much a part of THE LONELY LADY as the garden hose scene. TLL cannot be viewed without watching this trailer! Thank you for posting it!

[Matthew Cohen]

Also, Crispin Glover is in it.

[Cathleen]

Let me just say that I slept with my Spanish tutor for a few years (though I was 26) and ayyyyyyyy que rico!

[Sean Burdick]

Totally found this on btjunkie.. Can't wait to watch!

[Mari-ko]

Is it just me or does the "poem" remind you of the call and response about L.A. in "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls?"

[sarahohmygod]

This trailer truly could not have ended on a better still. YIPPEE!!

[jeremyj]

can't believe i'm just seeing this post! I had my dad rent this movie for a slumber party in the 5th grade. It was shut off shortly after it was started, but me and all my friend talked about boobs for weeks after seeing it.

[Davy]

I loved this movie! I had such a crush on Matt Lattanzi back then, and the fact he was married to Olivia Newton-John made him even cuter.

[Rae]

I love that the guy right in the beginning of this clip is the bad guy from UHF. Love. it.

[Leah]

i actually saw this movie as a child in the 80's. I always tried to find ways to watch those 80's sex romps. They were so....deliciously bad.

[outdoor furniture]

Having been stupid doesn't place one beyond the pale. We're all stupid from time to time; there'd be no one on the near side of the pale! What irks me is ideologues.

[crystal block]

Oh, the first thing I thought of was you are referring to me! If you were, I'm asking you to just lie to me–I'm too big a fan of yours and my ego would not handle it.

[solar collector]

Give your head a shake! No one who writes cartoons as sharp and funny as yours could be considered stupid.
Nom de Plume: If you didn't care, you wouldn't have bothered to comment. You don't know me well enough to tell me to get over myself, and I doubt that you ever will.