The least appropriate article of clothing EVER

My boyfriend spotted this on the Atlantic City Boardwalk (a great place to go if you like power walking out of fear!). I'm putting it after the jump because...well, you'll see why. I can't even, really. This is maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen.

 

What the fuck could this possibly mean? Really. Why on earth should there be Michael Jackson on a baby's onesie ever? Is it a way to show that you never believed the child-molestation charges against him, that you're so secure of his innocence that you're willing to express it on your baby that the charges would have him sexually attracted to in just a few years' time? Or maybe you believe MJ did touch little boys and this is your way of signaling a blasé attitude toward pedophilia. It's fucked up, but I'm sure someone feels this way and at last, here is the onesie for him or her. And how 'bout that anthropomorphized penis, which seems to be not only remarkable for being a penis with eyes, a frown and a disapproving arm, but also for being a penis that can apparently hover so that he (I'm guessing it's a he, as it's a penis, but really, who knows?) is close to Michael Jackson's mouth. Not that he could fit his lips around that massive thing, if this rendering is, in fact to scale. And "BEAT IT?" Beat what? The anthropomorphized penis because that's what you do to penises, regardless of their human-like qualities/appendages? The anthropomorphized penis because it's against nature? Michael Jackson for the same reason? Your child because clearly if you're going to dress him or her (but, let's be honest, probably him) in this, you're leaning over the slippery slope toward child abuse anyway?

Anyway, I think the real answer is that this is art. I didn't buy it, but now that I think of it, I just may go back and do so.

 

Never forget, I guess.

One more thing regarding the Atlantic City boardwalk, which was a good reminder to me why most people avoid trashiness (no one there isn't a shady character -- I felt like I could get shivved for my soft serve at any moment): I had a look around the Steel Pier, which is an amusement park (hold the amusement) crawling with what must be high-class types in the carnie world (most people had all their teeth!). Here is the best thing that I saw:

It's the side of the Musik Express, or whatever it's called there: you know, the ride that's just a bunch of little carts going around in a circle (sometimes backward, too) that blares loud music and has terrible depictions of pop stars airbrushed on it (my boyfriend wondered if the depictions were so consistently terrible to avoid any lawsuits over likeness -- I think regardless, it all just looks like shitty art). Upon closer look, I couldn't help but wonder...

 

Is that JonBenét Ramsey with muscles? If so, it's actually pitch-perfect.

Comments

[aloria]

I am sure that you could figure out a way to get that onesie on Winston. Go back and get it!

[Tadz]

I suspect it was going to be "The kid is not my son", but they replaced it at the last minute with a dong.

[SJ]

You know nothing's going according to plan when the giant anthropomorphic penis is appalled.

[eltiochusma]

Isn't that Madonna during her "Music" phase?

[SMS]

The penis is telling MJ to beat it, as in, get out of here. Get away from this baby. Don't molest the baby wearing this onesie. That's how I read this semiotic puzzler, anyway.

[Anika]

I'm fairly certain they used that Musik Express ride in Adventureland. So random.

[oli]

isnt that from the teresa giudice baby clothing line?

[chesska]

Oh Rich, I love it when you go down to do your anthropological digs in NJ! Always uncovering things i never wanted to know existed!

[bevskid1]

That is so many ways of wrong...

[FayeH]

I have to go to Ventnor at the end of the month and trust & believe I am going to spend ALL of my time scouring A.C. for the crazy.

I was lamenting because the in-laws used to do their "beach week" in Wildwood, and I was learning to love that weirdness, but it looks like I have been underestimating A.C.

[ciao]

At first I thought it was just odd... and then realized it's on a baby bodysuit!? My life will never be the same after this.

[LL]

Flavor Flav: Wooooooooooow.

[Callista McCallister]

Every other blog post of yours now starts with "My boyfriend...". Seems you have turned into one of *those* people. Ugh.

[Dodger]

it's a judd

[Laila]

Callista seems ever so disappointed in the fact you have a boyfriend, Rich. JEEEEEALOOOOOUS.

[raincoaster]

Yes, that is JonBenet Ramsay as a lesbian cowgirl crooner. You never knew the murder was all a hoax? She's living with MJ in an underground lair in Dubai.

[Yinzerella]

@Anika, The Musik Express ride in Adventureland is the one at Kennywood Park in Pittsburgh. That's where it was filmed.

[Angela]

So I started laughing when I saw it, thinking it was a T-Shirt. Then I scroll down further, and realize it's a onesie.
My reaction?
NO.
No!

[velvet]

That exact same ride, crappy airbrush "art" and all, is also at the amusement park in my California town. "Mariah Cary" looks more like Rosie Perez taking a dump. The ride is conveniently located next to the deep fried Twinkie booth, so there's a plus.

[Tisha]

"You know nothing's going according to plan when the giant anthropomorphic penis is appalled." is my new favorite sentence... and I just told facebook so!

[christian louboutin shoes]

It's fucked up, but I'm sure someone feels this way and at last, here is the onesie for him or her. And how 'bout that anthropomorphized penis, which seems to be not only remarkable for being a penis with eyes, a frown and a disapproving arm

[Dara]

I have to go barf now. It would have been 10 times worse if you took a picture of this on a baby. Yikes.

AC is the tenth circle of hell.

[Chrissy]

Where can I get this shirt? What is the store name? Do you remember?

[Research Term Papers]

Thank you so much for this. They are truly remarkable. What a Creativity!

[winter boots]

Very beautiful design, life will give us all the details of the different ideas!