A story about my old job

I already posted this on Twitter, but it deserves a heads-up here since this is my life we're talking about: Friday was my last day working for VH1. It's very surreal of me to  leave a place that for a while, I never thought I would (I was coming up on my fifth year). While my goodbye post conveyed the bittersweetness of my departure, as I get further away (even as far as a weekend), there is more and more relief. When I start my new job at TVGuide.com next week, I will no longer be locked into one network's programming lining and creating (what amounts to) advertorial content (as much as I put into making it not read as such) for it. I have some pop-cultural blind spots that have come as a result of focusing on one network (so often, the last thing I wanted to do upon after spending my day watching TV was to watch more TV) and I look forward to fixing my vision.

Every job has its frustrations and while I'm happy to leave a lot of them behind and never so much as consider them again, there's a story I've been sitting on for a while that I'd like to share. It is a tale involving someone who had no idea how to do my job telling me how to do my job, of the rare clash I had with on-air talent (one of maybe two in the hundreds of delightful weirdos I encountered and wrote about), of an insanely late-night email exchange gone extreme, all drizzled in the essence of homophobia. I hadn't thought about it for a while, but when I was going through my inbox before leaving VH1, I reread this epic thread and was mostly pleased with my writing. For that reason chiefly, but also based on the belief that if you see something even remotely anti-gay, say something, I am sharing this exchange.

I'm not here to make friends, but I'm also not trying to throw anyone under the bus (see what I did there?), and for that reason I have redacted the particulars that would make this person immediately identifiable. This is not meant to humiliate anyone, but to give a little slice of my former professional life and the complications that can arise when your job is to write about the output of the company you're working for.

The back story, without getting too specific, is that on one of the competition shows, someone who was on air but not a contestant (a member of the administration, if you will) made a passing but explicit and thus somewhat surprising comment about the attractiveness of one of the contestants of the same sex. When I recapped this, I jokingly noted that the person who made the comment had a crush on the person he or she complimented. After a few more sentences regarding this hypothetical attraction's sweetness and usefulness, I moved on, never again to even so much as reference the matter.

About a week went by. I was home one Saturday night writing up a reunion I attended for VH1. I don't even know why I bothered to check my work email (procrastination?) but I did, and soon found myself in the war of words that follows verbatim:

From: [redacted]
Sent: Sat [date redacted] 11:46 PM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: Unnecessary

Rich,

This is [redacted], the [redacted role] of [redacted show].

I do realize your job is to be witty and sarcastic and make fun of the "characters" in these shows.  It makes for fun light reading when you don't have anything else to do but sit in front of a computer all day.  I admit I have read your blogs a few times and enjoyed them.  I often wondered how some of the contestants feel when they read some of the not so complimentary things written about them.  Well now I have to wonder no longer.  These contestants know by now when they go on one of these shows that they can fall victim to editing or the bloggers pen, but as [redacted role] I always felt I was above that.  To get to the point, not cool with all the "gay" stuff.  Not sure why you would lump me in with the contestants in terms of making fun.  Whatever the reason don't do it again. Not cool bro.  I'm not so self absorbed as to not make fun of myself, but the sexuality this is not only "hack" its also out of bounds especially when it comes to the [redacted role] of the show.

In closing, no need to apologize just don't let it happen again.

From: [redacted]
Sent: Saturday [date redacted] 11:52 PM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: I emailed you before

I emailed you before to no avail. Not sure if you ignored it or it was not that important to you so you did not respond...but you need to make this time different.  Thank you.

From: "Juzwiak, Rich" <[email protected]>
Date: Sun, [date redacted] 02:13:38
To: [redacted]
Subject: RE: Unnecessary

[redacted],

Coming at me with a condescending tone is not the right way.

Rich

From: [redacted]
Sent: Sun [date redacted] 2:30 AM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: Re: Unnecessary

Never had someone insinuate that I was a homosexual on a national stage, the same stage that I use to eat, the same stage that I use to pay my mortgage. So excuse me if my "tone" didn't suit your delicate sensibilities Rich.

The next time you make a joke about me being gay ill try and be a little bit more understanding about your feelings. 

My most sincere apologies.

From: "Juzwiak, Rich" <[email protected]>
Date: Sun, [date redacted] 03:02:05
To: [redacted]
Subject: RE: Unnecessary


Apology accepted. Tonal consideration is the cornerstone of effective communication.

I'd argue, [redacted], that YOU insinuated you were "a homosexual" on a national stage by referring to [redacted second party] as a [physically flattering compliment - redacted because a Google search of the term would give this away]. When I wrote about you, I was not responding to anything innate or characteristic about you, but to your words. It is my job to make sure my humor is as circumstantial as possible. I'm not the "hack" you'd like me to be. I think about this shit, every word of it.

Anyway, I actually never insinuated that you were gay, even, just that you took a shine to this one particular person. I don't know what you sleep with and I don't purport to.

On top of that, I asked [redacted second party] about this very point, and [redacted second party] explained that there was nothing like that between you two. I posted [redacted second party]'s full answer, which clears you, if that is how you would like to look at it (and I think that you would):

[redacted interview link]

I like to push the envelope as much as I can, even in the realm of full disclosure.

From: [redacted]
Sent: Sun [date redacted] 3:33 AM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: Final Salvo

Look Rich, I've been in this entertainment industry 19 years. First show I ever did I was in High school.  Now for the first time in my life Gay [people] are coming up to me on the street and hitting me up on the internet.  Yeah, don't really need that in my life guy.

So I shall reiterate my original request. Don't perpetuate and more homosexual energy please when it relates to me. No jokes, asides, innuendos, nada.

Maybe one day we can laugh about this over a peach Martini (oh wait that's kinda gay huh)... I mean a shot of rot gut wisky, however until then let's try and get through these tough economic times with respect and civility. Just like Octumom.

Seacrest, I mean [redacted], out.

From: "Juzwiak, Rich" <[email protected]>
Date: Sun, [date redacted] 03:38:21
To: [redacted]
Subject: RE: Final Salvo


[redacted],

I'm telling you, you're coming at the wrong way. I don't respond to orders like this, especially after I've taken the time to explain myself.

Furthermore, as a gay man, your language is becoming increasingly offensive to me. So I believe it is you who needs to stop.

Rich

From: [redacted]
Sent: Sun [date redacted] 4:06 AM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: Re: Final Salvo

Dude, are you serious. My language is becoming offensive to you? Wow, what part and be specific. Because the Rich I know has delivered so many well versed pimp slaps to people that makes anything that I have written seem like a warm hug. (The age old dish it out but can't take it maybe, I don't know)

I'm not quite sure how you want me to ask you. Please with sugar on top?  I could have my agent contact [redacted production company] and VH1, who will then contact your boss and so on and so forth. Not the route I would have chosen,  however since I'm not "coming at you" the right way for you to respect my wishes and you have not communicated to me how to "come at you", only how not to "come at you" then maybe this is the ultimate means to an elusive end.  At this point I don't know what else to do.

From: "Juzwiak, Rich" <[email protected]>
Date: Sun, [date redacted] 04:29:47
To: [redacted]
Subject: RE: Final Salvo


Threaten me all you want, [redacted]. I didn't do anything wrong and I'd do it again. I'll gladly explain what I explained to you to my boss and anyone else at VH1. Perhaps one of the several gay men in charge?

You are responsible for your behavior and the jokes you make. If you don't want me to point out something that implies that you aren't 100 percent heterosexual, do not say things that imply that you aren't 100 percent heterosexual. It's that simple. I am only responding to what I see. This is what I'm paid to do, and my honesty is key to the VH1 Blog achieving the traffic that it does.

I will make you one promise, though: I will not make references to your sexuality based on my own volition. You say something, I'm commenting; you don't, I won't. I have no problem complying with those terms. In fact, those terms are all I have to offer.

And since you asked, it's offensive to me that you think I should be able to feel sympathy for someone who feels they've been accused of being gay. You are philosophically aligning yourself with people who affected me profoundly growing up, people who preached that gay is bad. I don't pity your situation of having [gay people] hit on you, either, and what you imply when you complain about it is pretty gross to me. Like, seriously? Welcome to Hollywood. It's gay here. However you want to veil it, bigotry peeks through your words and my very humanity depends on calling bullshit on that whenever I see it.

And what can't I take in, [redacted]? Your unreasonable demands? Your unsavory attitude about homosexuality? The entitlement that you carry, giving you the notion that you're above jokes? Because that's what you're dishing out.

From: [redacted]
Sent: Sun [date redacted] 5:05 AM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: Word matter.

Wow...your thinking way to much. Unreal.  You know what, do what you want to do dude, I this point I'm done with you.

Threatening you? Please, I was just pointing out my next option. And pointing out the fact that gay men are in charge at VH1, completely uncalled for.  As though this information is supposed to make me act or do something different.

The fact that you are emotionally and culturally involved in the essence of my request is clogging up the whole deal here.

And you made a major leap in logic philosophically aligning me with people that preach that gay is bad.  Be careful here Rich, seriously.  We all go through things in our life, all of us...but to be over sensitive and lash out at something because it brings up similar emotions to a past event and then call the new event the exact same thing is wrong. And for you to even imply that I am a bigot has me extremely frustrated. Extremely! "Bigotry peaks through my words" wow,..all I can say is wow.

I was hoping that this would be the end but with that last comment slicing through the fiber of my very being, it can only be the beginning.

Rich I will not be contacting you directly regarding this issue any further and I hope that you would do the same

Thank you.

From: "Juzwiak, Rich"
Date: Sun, [date redacted] 05:22:12 -0400
To: [redacted]
Subject: RE: Word matter.


No, I wouldn't want you to do anything differently, except, I suppose, trying to tell me how to do my job. I point out that gay men are at charge at VH1 so that you understand why it may come back to you that my stance is reasonable. I don't want you to be shocked. I'm looking out for you.

Calling me "over sensitive" is a way of diminishing my point of view, [redacted]. Sorry, [redacted]: I'm not having it. I'm just as important as you in this equation, if not more so, as you're the one hitting me up for what is essentially a favor (if only you exhibited the humility to label it as such!). From the start you said that you now know what it's like to have something "not so complimentary" written about you, so as to equate being called gay (which, I'll point out AGAIN, I didn't even do) with insults or negativity. In my experience as a conscious gay man, being gay or being called gay is not bad.

But there I go again, responding to your words. There's a difference between standing your ground and lashing out. I don't know if you're used to people acquiescing to your demands or that you took me for a push-over. Too bad for you that the situation did not pan out the way you expected.

Again, take responsibility for your words, but mostly: stop reading about yourself on the Internet if you're so sensitive. You're only going to bring yourself unnecessary grief.

Here's to new beginnings,

Rich

From: [redacted]
Sent: Sunday, [date redacted] 5:41 AM
To: Juzwiak, Rich
Subject: Re: Word matter.

Don't contact me directly anymore.

***End of exchange***

The post script is I actually did write this person back right away to say, "YOU CONTACTED ME!" I added that if you don't want to hear back from someone, you shouldn't write a writer. (That email seems to have been lost, but that's really the gist of it.) After that, one of those weird all-code Blackberry emails that signals a failure to transmit the sent data showed up in my inbox. I'll never know what that final response was.

On Monday, I beat this person to the punch and told my boss what had gone down, forwarding the entire thread and receiving no reprimand beyond something like, "You really could have pulled out of that and not let it go on as long as it did." It's true -- trancendence is a virtue. In retrospect, I put forth a lot of effort for this person -- today I probably would be less inclined to give this much time to one asshole.

However, what I realized only a bit later was that I pounced so hard because I'd felt like this person was trying to bully me. To back down at all would have been to allow him or her to keep thinking the negative garbage he or she did already about gay people, both by me failing to put him or her in his or her place, and by my own example. Later, I heard from production after he or she (not an agent) reached out to VH1. I found out that a caveat said during that scene absolving this person of dreaded homosexuality ("Just kidding!" or "No homo!" or whatever) had been edited out of the show. From that, I got the feeling that having already been embarrassed by the unmovable powers that be, this person took out frustration on me, a perceived non-power to push over. That made me feel even more justified in my reading.

Comments

[sjr]

ohh i wish this was steve ward, but i guess it's craig j. jackson. what a punk either way.

[Mindy]

This guy just didn't get he was digging himself deeper, did he?
My guess is Craig Jackson, the host of I Love Money. He used to be on Channel One, and he said he'd been working since high school.

[Miss Lisa]

This is why it can be so scary to date straight men. Also: observational writing can bring about these kinds of situations, unfortunately. And also: he is a very sad speciman of humanity.

[Alyssa]

I think you handled that beautifully. The more rational you were in your explanations, the more he perceived it as "personal." Good luck at TV Guide! I look forward to reading your work there as well.

[Piff]

Enjoy your time at TVguide! Can't wait to read your stuff about something other than reality tv (do I dare to dream?).

[XI]

Rich, I can't believe you'd besmirch such an obviously not-gay man in such a way. I mean, really? Repeating his own words back to him? shameful....

Now, who did this? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Craig%20Jackson

[Driver B]

what a dbag.

Though the boss was right, you probably could have extracted yourself at some point, I think your responses sound measured and well-reasoned - and I would have done the same thing.

[Chaely]

The whole "woe is me, now I'm being hit on by gays" thing pisses me off. A homophobic relative used to say the same thing about not wanting to be around certain friends of mine & it always made me seethe with anger.

Guess what? I don't like being hit on by fat slobs who are old enough to be my father, but as a straight woman that's just something I have to deal with. Unless you've got some mind-control powers you can't help who hits on you, so you might as well either stay home or wear a paper bag over your head if you're that bothered by it.

The fact that he's trying to appeal to you, an openly gay man, about how hard it is to face judgement for being possibly gay just shows how out of touch he is. I still can't figure out what kind of sympathy he expected you to have for his plight...

[Rara]

I had to go looking...

http://blog.vh1.com/2009-04-15/the-celebreality-interview-20-pack-2/#more-66874

[Jill]

I have to wonder if his concern about being approached on the street by gay men, is actually just his increased exposure on a VH1 show that led more PEOPLE to approach him, gay or straight, and he was just too dumb to understand the difference.

[Jenny]

Well-handled (and with better spelling/grammar than [redacted], I might add), Rich. Thanks for sharing this exchange and commenting on it so thoughtfully.

[La_chica]

That dude's attitude is not cool, bro. not cool.

Although I think your brillance was lost on him, I loved your response, thanks for posting it, and can't wait to read your stuff at TV guide!!

[Erin]

I'm not sure how I feel about this. While I'm super proud of you for standing up for yourself, I wish you wouldn't have published this exchange. Aaaaand the negative comments about your former employer. Not because I'm on their side, more because I want you to protect yourself and (most importantly) your future. There are people out there who will judge you for this and I'd hate to see your career opportunities compromised just because some 2-bit culturally irrelevant jerkoff on a reality show (or some 2-bit culturally irrelevant jerkoff of a network who airs reality shows) got you so riled up that you felt compelled to post some smack on the internet. Even though you redacted the critical information, it won't take long for it to leak out and the consequences can be major. This kind of venting is best reserved for friends, family, and rant-filled pages in a diary with a unicorn on it. I know I'm not your mom (though I wish I was Winston's mom) and you're a grown ass man who knows what's best for you, but just wanted to say that. xoxoxo

[Groovymarlin]

The implication from [redacted] that being thought of as gay was the most horrible thing that could happen to a person was infuriating to me. Same for the ridiculous attitude and comments about getting "hit on" by "gay people." Newsflash, dbag: people who are secure in their own sexuality can handle being hit on by anyone, and handle it gracefully.

Also, his terrible spelling, grammar, and punctuation made me hate him regardless of the content he was spewing.

Go, Rich. Good luck in your new gig.

[Krista]

You, sir, are magnificent.

[Mark]

20 Pack really is a [redacted]. I don't blame him for the slip-up.

[alison]

I loved this, Rich! I hope it DOES get out and I hope everyone learns this dude is a total butt-fucking queermo.

[Blake]

Wow, I THINK NOT. Wow.

[Keith]

Someone doth protest too much, methinks.

[Dina]

On an unrelated note...what will become of the RuPaul's Drag Race gif walls?

Congratulations on the new gig, though.

[Babs]

Uh, wow... the homophobia is strong in this one. What a huge jackass. Yeah, you could have stopped it earlier, but I also don't blame you for going on (and for your part you were measured and controlled). What an offensive piece of shit.

[W.C.]

1) CONGRATULATIONS on 5 years of success, and best wishes for many more with your new venture.
2) My selfish request is that whatever jobs you end up taking in the future, unless the world ends, please never stop writing fourfour because I'll feel like I lost a super-cool friend even if I don't personally know you and never will!
3) Good for you for standing up for yourself. You could have just ignored the person, or stopped earlier in the exchange, but that's easier said than done, especially when you're caught up in the moment. My newest tactic for that is writing a "draft" email (or series of drafts) that I send to myself. It allows for the catharsis, and none of the repercussions. But in this case, I agree that your writing was solid, and you did a good job of making all of your points. Go RICH! Long live FourFour!

[Andy]

Damn, I was hoping it'd be Riki Rachtman, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I loathe that douchebag though.

Congrats on the new job Rich!

[Sunny]

Oh, Rich...
I read all of the time and comment so seldom, but this is one of those moments when I must:

you are such an amazing combination of wit, sensitivity, guts and intellect... hats off to you, sir.

[johan]

He DID have a crush on 20 Pack, though. What a clown.