As a child, I often heard that I was annoying. This criticism was not confined to relatives or friends or friends of relatives (although members of each of these groups were certainly among the most persistent and elaborate as to just how annoying I was) -- I heard it everywhere I went. All I had to do was open my mouth and BAM, "Annoying!" I can't even be specific about it because I thought I was just existing, and soon that existence came to include being called annoying at every turn. It has affected me in adulthood in that I feel like being annoying is a natural tendency of mine that I must always fight against. Sometimes this means being unnaturally terse, at others I do this by avoiding communication entirely. I don't make small talk, for one thing. (Still, often I fear that my resistance just doesn't work.)
After revisiting the programming that I watched as a child, chiefly Small Wonder and Zoobilee Zoo (via a VHS I found this weekend at the Salvation Army on Bedford Ave., of course), I realize that I was doomed from the start. These shows (and, obviously so many others) glorified annoying as the way to get what you want (including your point across). Of course, the fact that I was watching Zoobilee Zoo when I was way too old for it (it premiered in '86, when I was 7 or 8) may have been my first problem.
But wow, this VHS exceeded my memory of how annoying the show was. It is frankly unbelievable, and for that reason, not unbearable. I know it's terrible marketing to be like, "This is annoying, watch it!" but the cut I did above of the most skin-crawling moments, I think, is astounding. I understand that children's programming has a tendency to be brash and obnoxious and that you could make an effective cut like this out of virtually anything (I'd have a field day with Barney), but that should not discount the enormity of annoying on display above.
And by the way, I don't think this way of communicating via TV is going anywhere. If anything, we're getting more annoying as a culture (everybody loves Kanye!). I haven't watched Disney Channel original programming since Good Morning Miss Bliss, but the amazing SNL skit this weekend for the Disney Channel Acting School ("On the Disney Channel, every person has to be the loudest person in the room!") makes me believe that this tradition is alive and well.
"Yeah!"
Posted by: John | March 10, 2011 at 02:07 PM
I am watching a marathon of "The A List: New York" on logo, by far more annoying than this...
Posted by: Patrick | March 10, 2011 at 02:10 PM
If you made up a fake kid's show as a satire on kid's shows, there would be no difference between it and the real shows. There is no way to extend the absurdity.
Posted by: Elisa | March 10, 2011 at 02:25 PM
I wish I could attribute my annoying affect to Zoobilee Zoo and Under the Umbrella Tree, but I'm pretty sure my incessant compulsion to cartwheel across the living room was largely to blame.
Posted by: Dennang | March 10, 2011 at 02:35 PM
Behind the scenes, as a theatre person, I could never take a job like this. I'd rather bartend or wait tables than have to do this day in and day out. This has started lots of arguments with some of my fellow thespians, but I do not call this art and I will not do it for money. And as a parent, this, just like Barney, I have given a chance to kinda like and ended up wanting to tear my hair out and run away screaming. My toddler won't even watch this drivel-- the audience it is geared toward. Blech.
Posted by: Michelle Johnson | March 10, 2011 at 03:32 PM
ardon the poor grammar, I am three days out of surgery and HIIIIIIIGH as HEEEELLLLL, MAN.
Posted by: Michelle Johnson | March 10, 2011 at 03:33 PM
Pardon! Goddammit, I'm done. Good post, Rich.
Posted by: Michelle Johnson | March 10, 2011 at 03:34 PM
Until you posted this, I truly, fervently believed that Zoobilee Zoo was something I made up in my mad, twisted child's brain and certainly not something that could exist in reality. I'm glad to know that I was wrong.
Posted by: Erin | March 10, 2011 at 03:49 PM
I loved Small Wonder but even as a kid, I always hated . That bird lady is the fucking worst!
Posted by: Ricky | March 10, 2011 at 04:11 PM
hah, i was called an annoying kid as well. pretty sure zoobilee zoo entered my consciousness at the same time did nwa, thanks to my much older brother.
Posted by: tasty | March 10, 2011 at 05:19 PM
I could barely make it to the end of that cut! Ugh. The "su-ey little pig" part was the worst.
Posted by: Clancy | March 10, 2011 at 05:53 PM
A friend of mine has small children (2 below about knee-height) and even the "better" children's programming is just the same, even with higher budgets. Holy cow.
I like how in the part of "sooey, sooey" the middle animal looked like he was getting frontsies and backsies.
Posted by: unmuse | March 10, 2011 at 06:00 PM
I guarantee you that every single one of those performers were in a production of "Cats," and they were the most dedicated to breaking the fourth wall and grooming themselves in front of audience members.
Funny: I also had a friend who put his hot dog in a fire and burned his lips on it.
Posted by: LiteFMGangsta | March 10, 2011 at 06:15 PM
on TLC with Rory. I'm ashamed to say I can sing the theme to this show still
What about Bookmice? or the one with the cats (cannot remember the name) but the female cat was especially whiny
Posted by: Suzie | March 10, 2011 at 06:16 PM
I straight up thought this was a childhood invention of mine until you posted this. But there was another one that I think was contemporary to it that was like, animals that were half one animal and half another animal? I can't remember if it was cartoon or live-action, and I can't remember if it was an actual show or just a marketing campaign. But there was like, a bear that was also a bumblebee, and stuff? I had a licensed trash can for this shit and everything.
Posted by: RGR | March 10, 2011 at 07:13 PM
I believe what I was looking for was Wuzzles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dm1qbbki6z4
Note how his instrument is both a Keytar and a Sousaphone. EVERYTHING IS TWO THINGS IN ONE!
Posted by: RGR | March 10, 2011 at 07:18 PM
This show used to terrify me as a kid, so I only remember watching a few episodes. God, that bird lady looks likes this total bitch I used to worth with. What a beast. These people still give me nightmares even watching them today, and now I'm going to have that theme song stuck in my head: Zoobilee Zoo, Zoobilee Zoo, magic and wonders are waiting for you!!
Posted by: Melissa | March 10, 2011 at 07:29 PM
Thank you so much for posting this, I hadn't thought about this freakishly over-the-top show in forever. United in annoyance we stand!
Posted by: Sara | March 10, 2011 at 08:33 PM
I love this, I love my boy friend. He is a nice guy. i met him via
~~~B lack Wh ite F li rts. C” 0- M~~~~ ” Joi n for Fre e” The most successful interra cial //da t ing c lub. If you are still //waiting for your sweet “milk” or “chocolate”, don’t hesitate to check it !! Don’t let your babies wait too long for you !!
Posted by: fghtgh | March 10, 2011 at 09:27 PM
My annoying movie were he "We Sing" videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDJ8iPKqphQ
Posted by: Kate | March 10, 2011 at 11:57 PM
Rich, I feel compelled to tell you that because of a joke you made like three years ago, I can no longer look at a picture of Ashford and Simpson without thinking of Zoobilee Zoo.
Posted by: flarnfilth | March 11, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Is that Randy Quaid at 1:17?
Posted by: Michael | March 11, 2011 at 11:00 AM
There are always magic and wonders waiting for me here at fourfour. Thanks for that.
Third Street Photo
Posted by: emily jean | March 11, 2011 at 02:26 PM
This one's better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nymKHC8KcV4
Posted by: Eliot | March 11, 2011 at 03:56 PM
Oh I can so relate. And oh my god, I wouldn't have remembered it until I watched that video, but I watched this show too when I was a kid. And I'm pretty sure I loved it at the time...
Posted by: jessica | March 11, 2011 at 05:13 PM