Proselytizing in 2011

I was on the boardwalk at Coney Island this weekend and something in the distance caught my eye. "It's a puppet show!" I said (fine: squealed) to my boyfriend. And then, upon approaching, "...and I think it's religious!!!!" It was:

 

I think this is a wonderful metaphor (or working example, even) of evangelism's burden in 2011. No one cares and the wind's blowing too hard to pay attention, anyway.

Though it was an obvious highlight, this was not the most surreal thing I experienced on Coney Island. The Coney Island beach is pretty gross (it's more dirt than sand), but a nice thing about it is that people walk by all day selling things. This makeshift dim sum set-up is very convenient if you want ice cold water or a Corona in a paper cup or a $1 blow-up beach ball. As part of this series of nomadic peddlers, an overweight, older man with a gray ponytail that was down to his ass approached our group and held up a seashell with a pot leaf laminated inside of it. "Would anyone like to buy an ashtray?" he asked. His intonation was somewhere between music and a child-beauty pageant announcer (really, he sounded like Mr. Tim in Living Dolls when he announces that Reed Hale's hobbies include "playing in the dirt and watching Unsolved Mysteries"). Of course we were like, "No." "It's made with a realllll leaf," sang-song the man, lingering. We ignored him and he slinked off. I realized that he was probably speaking in code: his Lynchian tone and behavior were either his way of signaling that he was selling marijuana or that he would be back to murder us later. We're all still alive, so I'm going with the former!

And thennnnnn, when we had left the beach and were standing on the boardwalk, waiting for people to finish using the bathroom, two guys approached our group of eight or so and asked, "What's a douchebag?" Someone started to explain exactly what it was, but the pair interrupted and clarified: they wanted to know whether "douchebag" was more frequently used to describe men or women. The more laid-back of the two was gently trying to convince his friend that "douchebag" was typically used for cocky, boorish guys. His more excitable friend (who had what I think was a Dominican accent) was insistent that you call women "douchebags" because "douchebag is the equivalent of scumbag" (literally, that is a quote). I calmly explained that, no, the laid-back guy was right and that men are typically called douchebags. Someone else in our group said that you could call anyone anything but typically the connotation is that men are douchebags. The excitable guy began pointing at each person in our group in an impromptu poll that got him nowhere except more insistent that he was right. Then a giant pitbull with a football in his mouth walked up and distracted them. We slipped away and I got ice cream.

The literary-level irony of this is that both of these guys were total douchebags! (I can only imagine the conversation that led to this debate – it almost certainly stemmed from shit-talking a stranger, probably a woman.) They didn't know it, but they were in the middle of an existential crisis.

Anyway, the larger point is that if you go to Coney Island, you should talk to people because everyone is fucking insane.

Comments

[m]

You have seen the Junior Christian Science Bible Show, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGgo31Z3CUM

[an]

i just visited coney island for the first time last weekend and this is a perfect vignette of what it's like there. i love how the giant pitbull with the football puts an end to the discussion.

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[Whiskas]

Question: Why do the Russian men think boxer-briefs take the place of swim trunks?

[Jon]

Coney Island is a nuthouse. I was once approached by a young man who was on many drugs, insisting he could not find his friends, and did not know what direction he had come from. I said, having seen which direction he had come from, "You've already checked over there, so maybe now check over there?" gesturing at the entire other part of the Coney Island beachfront behind me. The young man decided that this was an important an extremely helpful piece of advice, and laid the following benediction upon me: "May you find your future in a golden pandora dragon."

[Nonplussed]

Thank God there are still places like that around...

[freelance writer]

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[SmallerWords]

Oh the Coney Island stories I've collected in my 25 years...

Once a group of us were hanging out by Nathan's (consuming very large cups of beer for relatively cheap) when we were approached by three charming individuals. One was a seemingly mentally unstable large jewish man that insisted on standing near us clapping, laughing, and telling my boyfriend to hang out with him. Another was a roaming man with a parrot who also was enchanted by my boyfriend (let him hold the parrot for a bit.) And the last and possible most exciting to meet was a local drunk/drug addict who swore his name was Cubito and that he spoke chinese, japanese, etc... He asked my friend if she was german (she's puerto rican), asked another of my friends if he, too, spoke chinese, japanese, etc..., and had a long conversation with the boyfriend about his family.

Another time a group of us were walking to the subway after a late night and found a bloody rag on the ground right off the boardwalk. A friend was concerned because of it being a health hazard and told a cop about it. The cop replied, "Oh that thing. It's just a bloody rag. It ain't gonna hurt nobody."

So yeah... Coney is fantastic.

[I'm in awe sir]

This truly is a masterpiece of blogging.

[Oakley]

The article is very good, I like it very much.

[Gen]

@Whiskas: I know, right? Just came back from Cuba and we saw tons of Russian men swimming in boxer briefs, most of them with Россия (Russia in Russian, basically) written all over them. Go figure!

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[golden pages]

that was so cute..I know this is quit an old post..and looking forward for more blog posts from you. nevertheless, I like your blog...Thanks.

[rs2shopping]

I am simply out of words after reading your blog. I want to appreciate the way you handled such a complicated subject. Nothing better than this could be written in such a simple manner! Hats off dude!!!I

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Coney Island is a mixture different people and stuff. Even the craziest stuff are there. Nice post.

[Top 100 songs]

Great puppet show...i like to see this shows at any place where I go...Great way to animate children

[Erika]

Wow, the spammed comments are rather entertaining..

[Jersey]

you are right , Otherwise how could it be preserved?

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[electric]

Donde estas, Rich? I miss you.

[sac a main]

It seems like Coney Island is a good place, I will visit there sooner or later

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I am always found of puppet shows. Thank you so much for sharing such a nice video/post. God bless!!

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[Karen]

Dearest Rich, we miss you! Come back soon xoxo

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