Dominated

The beaming smile that follows the word "train wreck" indicates that either Laura is at one with her audience's taste, or that after being fed that line by whomever was interviewing her, she (finally?) got it right. Either way: cute.

And, oh yeah, Dominique was eliminated for, oh yeah, not having enough personality. In the words of Positive K to himself, "We back on that again?!" Ugh, this show isn't trying anymore, so why should I? Blah blah blah wild Tyra faces and attitudinal shade:

Ah, that makes me feel better. (No it doesn't.)

The main event of this episode was tied to the gif posted above: the dogpile on Angelea that occurred as a result of stealing the sausages of stank and despair out of Tyra's drama-lined pockets.

It started out in such good humor, too:

That was Angelea's reaction to Dominique choosing her as the girl among them who doesn't deserve to win. Very ironic that Dominique was the only one who'd answer this question directly (everyone else refused, except for Angelea who stanked, "None of 'em!") since her elimination proved that she was the one among them that didn't deserve to win and that she'd furthermore be indirectly (or directly, who knows) punished for actually participating in a challenge that set everyone up to meltdown. God said, "Ha!" meets, "It's a trap!" It's like the Book of Genesis meets Saw, which is kind of just like the Book of Genesis, period.

Anyway, in the weird peer go-sees, we got to see some fabulously attitudinal walking:

This is what I look like walking the streets of New York (you know, when I'm doing my part-time gig as a street walker) in my own head and sometimes even outwardly. Have you ever tried to flip stubble? It is hard. I am devoted to my craft.

Also, we got to watch the girls try their hands at critiquing their peers. For example, "You were tryin' to give too much attitude to the point where you ended up stumblin'." Trust Angelea, this is a thing. I bet she spent years stumbling in attitude in order to get it right, much like some women take lots of stumbles in order to get their walking in heels right.

And then there was:

"For the first one, I thought your face was just amazin'.But I don't like your legs. Kinda looks like you're fartin'," said Laura about this shot of Dominique, taking a page right out of Tyra's The Gas I Pass: How IBS Fuels My Life and Discourse handbook. While I certainly see where Laura is coming from, the implication that Dominique (or most likely Laura, as she's the one who made the comment) lifts her leg like that while standing to fart is some gutterbutt, Pink Flamingos shit. (Or, not shit, but you know.) Do you think Gramma Wanda Sue sits in a crib all day obsessing about eggs?

By the way, really awesome sound effects after Laura said "fartin'," show. It's that attention to detail that really makes this show, erm, sing.

So anyway, Dominique said Angelea shouldn't win and then Angelea freaked the fuck out and then Laura freaked the fuck out (as did the veins in her neck):

"This is me mad, because you are a beautiful woman! You can sing! You have talent! And you don't! Know it!"

What, no, "I was rooting for you! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!"? What a disappointment, although it wasn't an entirely wasted opportunity. She gets bonus points for mirroring the inflection of another famous reality TV outburst, "It wasn't not funny!" But also, Angelea is well aware of her talent. In fact, she's so hyper aware, she knows about  what would seem utterly undetectable to an outsider. Why, just six episodes, she informed us, "I got the most talent up in this bitch, let me tell you: I sing, I act, I model, fans love me, everybody love me, I look good..." How could Laura have missed the girl who's entirely up her own ass? I mean, I guess you get used to it in that environment, but still! Angelea is the type of person who will literally say something like, "I hear what y'all are saying, but I'm not trying to hear it." (Note: Angelea is a master of repetition, we knew already when she said way back in Cycle 12, by way of Chamillionaire and Lloyd Banks, probably, "This bitch' tryin' ta try me!")

Angelea may need a confidence boost, but that would be beyond Laura's capabilities since Angelea is shining and sailing when it comes to matters that are skin-deep. Maybe next time try uncovering why she crumbles when she's confronted with any kind of hardship or strife and don't do it by yelling at her?

Anyway, this led to tears:

23. Angelea

24. Laura

And Angelea questioning her detractors' professionalism (something she's an expert on, because, as I will gladly remind you whenever I get the opportunity: bitch, she worked at a bank).

But my favorite thing about Angelea's episode, and this one in general, was the reactions is drew out of J. He really rocked that giant napkin holder he's taken to wearing on his head like he has never rocked a thing that also could be a curtain gatherer before:

And if you prefer a larger look...

He's got you, boo. I feel like it's been a rocky road with all of the regulars on this show, but I can say for certain at this point that I fucking love this man*.

(*This love is not unconditional and subject to change whenever I'm feeling cranky and/or gassy.)

And for those who like beards:

I got you, boo, on that one.

I could go on and on, especially if you're into Yorkies.

Anyway, how about this one?

What in the Real Housewives reject hell did she do to land on this show? Girls, take note: this is not what you want to become because your messiness will be censored by the newly sensitive Top Model editors and you'll just kind of end up looking lame and sad instead of the wild time you probably are.

Rimshot!

What else?

Water anxiety.

God, between this and vampire vision, the particularities that make these girls special are getting really obscure. I want something bigger, more overt next time like PTSD or a girl with cripplingly yellow teeth.

THANK YOU, EASTER BUNNY!!!

Here's someone who would have kept her hair that way for the rest of the cycle because the judges liked it that one time:

Here are the words of someone (Lisa) who's never afraid to call the judges out on their shit and (thankfully for us and her) has never been punished for it:

"I think that, um, if there is a bad shot, that you guys might pick that for panel." This is, of course, the perma-reality of this show that's virtually never mentioned. Lisa is a crusader exposing the injustices that are a part of our everyday fabric. Occupy that shit, baby doll. Occupy it fiercely.

Here's someone whose sister "has a bow and arrow and she kills rodents":

Let me guess: Her name is Prim and when she was chosen to come on this show, you valiantly stepped in for her, Katniss, I mean Laura.

Here is someone whose instinct was to turn around squat when approaching this week's shoot:

No leg lifted, though, so everyone was probably spared of the worst-case scenario.

J is someone who thinks that Kewpie dolls are "poopie dolls." I blame the show's pervasive scatology.

Here is someone wincing in pain as a result of her cheekbones attacking her eyeballs:

Here is someone who was way more gracious about leaving this thing that she had to be:

"My journey is obviously something different and I accept that. I'm OK with that," said Dominique on her bullshit elimination. (NOT that I wanted to see Angelea go.) Keep putting yourself out there in the universe. You are the Secret!

Here's a nightmare:

Tyraism of the Week

"You're memorable, but what we also remember is somebody who breaks under pressure and it makes us nervous."

If that makes the judges nervous, it sounds like they're the ones breaking under pressure. Hypocrites!!!

Comments

[Sui-Lin]

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