Probably my only ANTM post of the cycle

As I've been saying for a while now (recapping be damned), I'm over America's Next Top Model. In confirmation, I thought last night's Cycle 18 premiere was fucking dreadful. I wrote about it for work, and a tweet I sent out with a link to that piece turned into an extremely unpleasant interaction:

I know people like that person from her past appearances on reality TV (I'm not much familiar with much beyond her name and occupation), but I think on ANTM, she is on some sub-Twiggy level shit. So dull. Here's the commentary on her that appeared in my review:

The biggest alteration arrives late in the premiere, when it is announced that fashion PR and reality TV vet Kelly Cutrone has replaced André Leon Talley on the judges’ panel. While Talley brought cloaks, his own vocabulary (“Dreckitude!”) and a sense of absurd performance (“I feel like I’m in a cinematic moment of something wonderful!”), Cutrone’s sole flash of color comes when she pronounces “aristocracy” as “UH-ris-to-crasy.” She is virtually lifeless, delivering flat line after flat line in a chat forum that demands animation (“It’s an unfortunate picture,” “The clothes are wearing her, she’s not wearing the clothes”). At one point, she describes her PR work by saying, “It’s my job to make them think they want things they don’t need.” If she’s trying to convince us that she’s what Top Model needs, she’s doing a terrible job.

A bit later, I recieved this reply:

There are many lessons to learn from this:

1. Kelly Cutrone does not know how to or care about using Twitter, because she relies on tmi.me to complete her thoughts. Here is her tweet in full:

2. Kelly Cutrone has some kind of a search on her name that allows her to see whenever anyone has mentioned her (you'll note that I wrote out her name, and didn't @ her in my original tweet). She, like much of our population and virtually all of it that is on television, is a narcissist.

3. Kelly Cutrone equates bad writing with saying bad things about her.

4. Kelly Cutrone equates being a faker with saying bad things about her.

5. Kelly Cutrone thinks that hating involves saying anything negative, no matter how much (obviously subjective) support is provided for that opinion.

6. Kelly Cutrone thinks that a writer says things in reviews to make careers. Please. Like I care. If I had the power to make or break careers with my writing, I would abscond my post. If anything, I perversely enjoy having people like Cutrone around because they give me something to complain about.

7. Kelly Cutrone cares way more than she says she does by virtue of her addressing my writing in the first place.

Her transparency is depressing. Everything about this is! You'd think that someone who's been on reality TV for years (as an older, often dowdy female -- a subset that is treated horribly by the world and particularly by those into schadenfreude) would know that people will say things about her that aren't very nice. And if these bother her, as they clearly do, she shouldn't be looking at them, much less seeking them out. If you don't like seeing the insides of people, avoid porn and/or rotten.com. If you don't like reading potentially negative things about yourself, don't put a fucking alert/customized Twitter search on your name. What a damn fool. Her critique was baseless and thus inoffensive to me:

At this point, I had also retweeted her initial tweet, treating the world to a level of interpersonal nonsense that so often plays out on glowing screens. Cutrone replied soon after:

Here we learn that Kelly Cutrone not only cares about her amount of Twitter followers, she openly cares about them to the point of shaming someone for having fewer than she does. I thought that she fancied herself some tough-talking, New York Times bestselling broad. Where's the debating here? Where's the intellect? She did the equivalent of calling me ugly after I turned down her advances. If I have so little reach, why even dignify it with a response and then twist it into mocking charity? That doesn't even make sense. Also, she has about 130,000 Twitter followers and since we're ruminating on numbers, that seems like a low number to someone who once had a show with her name in the title, not that I usually think about such petty bullshit.

I responded:

I'm almost tempted to call her a hypocrite, but I think hypocrisy describes a conflict of principles (through words or actions) and Kelly Cutrone's sole discernible stance in this whole stupid thing is, "You wrote a bad thing about me and so you suck." What a baby. What an unseasoned clod. Why haven't her years in PR prepared her for dealing with criticism? She must really hate herself to be so affected by what some yahoo said about her on Twitter. As infuriating as her masochism is (and irritating when it became my problem), I felt sad for her, and tweeted as much:

(Before that I had also referred to her as "revolting," and she agreed.) But then, I didn't feel so bad anymore when I read this:

Great, more status-shaming (and not even accurate, at that). I know and work with plenty of people in PR, who are not only good people but great at their jobs, but she must be aware that a certain segment of the population totally looks down on her chosen profession, right? There are a lot of people to whom "publicist" is synonymous with "joke." We're all aware that any snootiness coming from a flack is put on and absurd performance, right? And we know that someone who openly admits on television that, "It’s my job to make them think they want things they don’t need," is admitting that she is wasting her life, right? Her pride in being soulless is embarrassing and her resulting condescension makes it despicable. Someone who makes people want things they don't need when she isn't slumming it on a CW show that was already getting to be unbearable five fucking years ago is superior to whom?

You know when you say something that isn't entirely nice and then you regret it because, hey, your subject is a person with actual feelings and everyone deals with their shit (especially women, who deal with so much shit) and it's terrible to add to it and be reminded of adding to it by their clear display of woundedness? But then their reaction is dozens of times less humane then yours and it completely justifies your ill feelings about that person in the first place? That's what happened here. I'm sad for Kelly Cutrone, but not sad enough to refrain from pointing out how awful she is.

Comments

[Shay]

Re: Kelly's name alert - I once tweeted something along the lines of, "who is Kelly Cutrone?" (I honestly did not know) and I got a response from her saying something like I was an idiot not to know, oh and also buy my book! Horrendous.

[S.]

I find this back-and-forth akin to a tree falling in the woods; if no one's around to hear it, does it really exist?

That's how I feel about a lot of people.

[kasey]

That is fucking hilarious. Unbelieveable.

I was so excited to see it was on last night, I couldn't even get through the episode. It sucked. I brought my attention back at the end and saw Cutrone, I assumed she was a one-off guest judge. She did not entertain or enlighten me. Ugh, peace out ANTM :(

[Michael]

the faux/forced patriotism of the episode was bothersome and obnoxious. If they really force it to play out for an entire season, I'm not sure how many episodes I'll last.

[lisa]

Rich, I know that you don't need me to tell you this but I'm doing it in spite of it. You are a very talented and gifted writer. She is obviously nothing but a sad famewhore,not worth your time. Keep doing what you do and don't skip a beat. For what it's worth you can make me laugh out loud. That my friend is a very rare occorrence.

[Valerie]

I'm going to (generously) assume that these twitter responses come from her own PR person working for her. I refuse to believe a grown woman with a real job has the time to be checking on her name alerts AND responding to them with this kind of silliness.

Cutrone should probably look into upgrading her own PR, especially if ANTM is all she's coming up with.

[hungryandfrozen]

No more ANTM posts! The end of an era. That said over the years I myself went from avidly watching the show then waiting for your recaps to just reading your recaps without watching the show (around 2009 I think).

Nice work on keeping it open on Twitter, her responses to your tweets are so strange, like she had them formed in her head before she even read what you had to say.

[Kate]

Rich, I'm a huge fan (you drew me in with your ANTM coverage and I've stayed even after you quit) but in this case, both of you come off as a bit petty and eager for attention. You criticized her work, so she criticized yours. Regardless of her reasons, going after her harder doesn't make you look particularly good. You just look like a bully here. Still love you though!

[Norma]

You are a certified gangsta.

[SomethingYouSaid]

I hope kelly went outside to cry about all of this.

[AMartel]

Kelly Cutrone sounds Duh-Riz-toe-CRAZY!
(Stopped watching this nonsense years ago. Once I found this blog! Ha.)

[Lucille A. Lias]

Ouch, and yucky.
And sadface.

But also,
omigod, you are both Scorpios!
holy crap!

[Crystal]

I still respect and admire what you do, but this post resembles something He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless (remember his very public feud with Wil.I.Am?) would do. Most people are already very aware that Ms. Cutrone is un-lovely, so I think it's unnecessary to point that out.

And believe me, I'm ALLL about calling out people, but it should be reserved for people who deserve getting knocked down a few pegs. Ms. Cutrone was already down there.

Otherwise, keep up the great work. You are great at what you do, Rich!

[HelloAllecs]

I really hate knowing you're going to stop recapping. I like going on with a glimmer of hope that you'll return

[Sarah]

I thought you were talking about a British reality star/ ex pop star called Kerry Katona until I googled Kelly Catrone. I was so confused as to why she would be on ANTM and also as to why it would have been boring.

[Sarah]

I also kind of agree with Kate and Crystal. That could partially be because even other people's conflict makes me anxious and guilty feeling but I also feel that no one comes out of a twitter feud looking all that great.

[LMarie]

Obviously people who agree to be on television shouldn't be so thin-skinned. But it's especially bad here because she's getting paid to be on a show where, qualified or not, she is supposed to critique people.

You critiqued her performance on the show just like she has to critique the performance of the contestants on her show. If you had critiqued her as a person (saying she's worthless or ugly) that wouldn't be defensible, but critiquing her actions on that show and questioning the value she brings to it are valid.

Her response was totally childless and no one of sense would think it was anything but baseless. She did not critique the quality of your work, she criticized your faking (what does that mean?? are you only pretending to be gay? to own cats? to love Mariah CArey) and hating. She criticized you for saying you don't like her on the show.

People like your writing because it reveals how seemingly trivial matters can be fascinating and teach us a lot about ourselves or those around us, while managing to also be touching and funny. People like her (I think) because she is really blunt, no nonsense and willing to say whatever crosses her mind without a filter. I don't think people rely on her for well thought out, intelligent remarks and certainly not for a sense of humor.

I think you'd be much happier now if you'd just let her silly response alone. It's not like you can force someone to have a substantive, on point debate if they are just going to act like they are still in the school yard.

Seriously, though, if you've just been pretending to be gay all this time there are a lot of ladies who would like to know.

[Juni]

How... cheesy of her.

I bet you both would be kept on the show for the drama/ratings IF you were contestants. This situation reminds me of Alexandria vs Brittani C16. Haha.

[Ben]

I'm sort of disappointed this happened and became the focus of your only ANTM-related post this cycle. The premiere was terrible, yes, and this cycle will be a lot of trite shit (as usual), yes, but I felt pity towards the British models while watching this show. Sure, ANTM produces a shit-ton of no-names, but a lot of the girls are able to make a living with what they make from modeling after getting their exposure. We don't really think about the umpteen thousand international incarnations of ANTM wherein the losers (and most likely the winners) struggle to make any sort of living wage. Now we're forced to.

I felt bad for Ashley and I felt bad for Alisha. They did well in their seasons (apparently) but can't make money modeling in the UK so this is literally their last chance. Think about that for a moment. Having to travel abroad to participate in a oft-mocked "modeling" show in order to obtain your dream of being able to simply provide for your child because your own reality-tv-fueled modeling career isn't working out is unfunnily sad. It's just really very sad. I really don't want any of the British girls to go home. There's no pleasure in it. The American girls are stupid for going on this and the British girls were probably stupid for going on their show in the first place, but now that they've shot themselves in the feet this is somehow a way out of the hole they're already in.

If ANTM is truly one's way out of a bad situation, it's upsetting.

[Steven]

Ben - I watched Alisha's season in the UK, and I beg you not to feel bad for her. She had a terrible attitude, and was a mediocre model on a good day. She only made the final because she was that year's villain.

[electric]

I think we also learned

8. That "making a TV career" is important to Kelly Cutrone, who has a failed reality show behind her and is now a crappy judge on ANTM. Wrong turn somewhere, KC.

This seems like a sad and fitting end to the glory days of ANTM recaps. This is how deep into the shit the show has slid....a second rate judge lashing out at you like a middle schooler. If she really believes that "there is no such thing as bad publicity" she would have been glad her name was mentioned in print and not thrown a fit about your honest critique.

But thanks for documenting it.

[Ben]

I feel bad not because I'm under the illusion that these people deserve anything; I feel bad because we are seeing people who have been chewed up and spit out by a less effective reality-tv system than America's be truly thankful that they have the chance to be shit all over again as long as it means the exposure they get will provide them with some kind of guarantee of making a minimum standard of living. So many ANTM girls say how much this means to them and how they don't have anything to go home to if they lose, but those are the same girls who end up making enough to get by.

For example, in the all-stars cycle none of the girls were struggling to get by. They didn't return because they couldn't function working at Taco Bell. They all had pretty decent jobs it seemed, so no one was really heart-broken to see them go. This time around they're editing it to make it seem like the Brits have nothing to go home to. I hope it's not the case and it really IS just the editing, but the fact that these are the "all-stars" and they can't make a buck is depressing.

If anything, it's a unique insight to how past contestants are seen in international top model competitions, re: not at all.

[krystle ^_^]

I thought your recap of ANTM was spot-on.

[Sara]

You sound equally as defensive and petty as she does.

[Another Kelly C]

I (was?!) once a big fan of Kelly Cutrone's encouraging feminist/tough manifesto-type-thing in support of young women. in fact, i SO much admired it that I wrote her a handwritten thank you note when her first book came out! Unfortunately this has kinda spoiled that for me. Her behavior really disappoints me, because she is someone I looked up to. did you see what she also wrote to the girl mssophiedarling for her critique, too? she sounds like such a mean girl! It makes me afraid of her. I guess that's what she wants? ....Rich, I've actually been a fan of yours longer, and I think when the true colors shine..... Rich J > Kelly Cutrone