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You will see me again

 

With last week's end of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15, I thought this cut of exit interviews throughout the years was appropriate. Above are some of the more self-aggrandizing examples that being eliminated has produced -- so many of these girls vow to us that we'll see them again and that they'll be as big as Tyra Banks promised. How many of the 50 or so girls above have made good on that promise? The answer, of course, is virtually zero (I guess Fatima has done all right?). I don't know if that makes this video hilarious or so, so sad (but I'm thinking it's the latter).

This cliche is, of course, prevalent on unscripted TV in general (American Idol has a large number of people who voice such this-isn't-the-last-you've-seen-of-me sentiment), but I think it's hilarious how many examples come from ANTM alone. A lot of girls would kill to be saying, "A lot of girls would kill..." upon being eliminated from clown school, apparently.

(All credit goes to reader Mike [aka rustyspigot] for giving me this idea over a year ago. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I generally come around.)

Fat ass, consider yourself kissed

L&G, one more time for America's Next Top...

...Snob!

A damn good job in a Versace dress

To avoid the scorn of those who haven't yet watched ANTM yet, I'm putting my pre-recap, post-finale comments after the jump. (Was this shit fixed...like, more than usual?)

This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers

Instead of a pithy sentence or two in this space regarding this week's loss, I thought it more appropriate to create a video as a tribute to the woman who was the heart and soul of this cycle. I only hope that it's as cheesy as Dominique herself.

And that ends this cycle's Pretty Party. :(

ANTM addendum

So, I messed up, as a few have pointed out. Readers Amy Z., and Will A., both emailed me screen shots of instances of crying from the last ANTM episode that I missed -- silly of me to ever think an episode of ANTM could have aired without a single tear spilled. My DVD drive is actually down right now (a new one's coming tomorrow), so I can't take these myself right now. I'll just post the ones they sent me to update the Crying Count (sans commentary).

49. Whitney

50. Fatima

51. Dominique

I guess it's safe to say that Edna's Edibles is burning.

And seriously, did my sight just go out for a minute? I understand missing the first two, but Dom is CLEARLY crying. Here I thought that the show was changing, when really it's just that my eyes going senile.

There's a special bonus after the jump: for the first time in the history. Of. My. Recapping. Of. America's. Next. Top. Model., a contestant has contacted me!

Katarzynana, na na na na, hey hey hey...

Riddle me this:

Was Katarzyna so boring that the shot above serves as a visual metaphor for her ability to fade into whatever background she's given (even big, ugly, pink bed linen), OR, was she so boring that I kind of had to just take whatever half-assed concept I could dig out of my butt to serve as the intro to this recap?

Hmmmmm.

Frankenstein unbound

"I'm not a CoverGirl! I mean, that's not me," said Lauren on the eve of her dismissal.

I think the above shot is both case and point.

Jawline flatline

On her final episode, Stacy Ann didn't chomp her gum furiously or make dolphin sounds or exhibit any signs of undercover whoriness. It was as though she was already eliminated inside!

The weirdest thing she did was get all up on the confessional camera.

Perhaps she mistook it for a Breathalyzer after also mistaking Anyway for a Gobot (Anyway is soooo Scooter, no?). Perhaps she just wanted to scare the shit out of us (because for real, homegirl could be weird in the face). In fact, I think it must be the latter, and the gif below illustrates what you might see as you descend to hell, starting with Stacy Ann's close-up.

Perhaps we are already there. And that concludes this week's Pretty Party. 

Don't scream at me

I won't have this week's ANTM recap up till tomorrow. Sorry! It happens. In the meantime, here's a little something touching on the theme of this week's episode. And don't worry -- I'm not in it.

A clip show of my very own

For those who don't like the format, or can't view videos or are fucking sick of looking at my face: have no fear. Regular format will return next week. At least, that's the plan. I can never be too sure what I'm going to do in this space in the future, because I have to sorta play everything by ear and tailor the medium to the message. Plus, you know, I gotta keep things fun for myself. The greatest thing about change is its lack of permanence.