fourfour

You will see me again

 

With last week's end of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15, I thought this cut of exit interviews throughout the years was appropriate. Above are some of the more self-aggrandizing examples that being eliminated has produced -- so many of these girls vow to us that we'll see them again and that they'll be as big as Tyra Banks promised. How many of the 50 or so girls above have made good on that promise? The answer, of course, is virtually zero (I guess Fatima has done all right?). I don't know if that makes this video hilarious or so, so sad (but I'm thinking it's the latter).

This cliche is, of course, prevalent on unscripted TV in general (American Idol has a large number of people who voice such this-isn't-the-last-you've-seen-of-me sentiment), but I think it's hilarious how many examples come from ANTM alone. A lot of girls would kill to be saying, "A lot of girls would kill..." upon being eliminated from clown school, apparently.

(All credit goes to reader Mike [aka rustyspigot] for giving me this idea over a year ago. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I generally come around.)

Happy I'm Not Here To Make Friends Day!

New year, new video, new rules. Just kidding. It's the same rules as the first video and last year's '08-'09 roundup (in a nutshell: be vile on reality TV), except people are saying it more than ever (this only spans the year's time since the last video and it's the longest of the three supercuts) and on non-competition shows like Sober House, Addicted and (my favorite) Ice Road Truckers. Everybody hates everybody! It's a tale as old as time.

You'll notice that like my Under the Bus supercut, I'm Not Here To Make Friends '10 entry has been uploaded to the Videogum player. How's that for irony? I had to call on FRIENDS to upload this video about not making them. Anyway, I did this because when I uploaded the video to YouTube this morning, as I have for the past two years, it took a while to process and then told me that it would be blocked in some regions. Upon further investigation, I found that it would be blocked worldwide, a development that is decidedly new for '10. Here's the screen (click to enlarge):

 

Fucking Viacom! I'm guessing that this has everything to do with the recent dismissal of Viacom's case against YouTube. How YouTube knew that my video contained bits (seconds at a time!) of Viacom-derived material is anyone's guess, although I think it may have read the titles I put in the actual video (I make sure to keep any signs of contraband out of the tags). I don't know. I'm going to try to upload it later without the title cards, but I feel like they make the video what it is. Mostly, I just want to experiment, toy with YouTube's genitals.

Anyway, it turns out that I can dispute this if I'm so inclined. YouTube recommends that if I want to do so on the grounds of fair use...

 

...I should employ a lawyer, which is not going to happen, because even though I'm less certain as to why I'm here than the people on reality shows, I'm certainly not here to hire lawyers. Whatever. The whole bitch of trying to get this thing uploaded matches the pain-in-the-ass, bitchy tone of the video above. It isn't justice, but it's almost poetic.

The girl with all the potential in the world (for real?)

By now you may have heard that Nicole Fox, former owner of a bloody eyeball and winner of ANTM 13 has landed a gig as the motherfucking face of Alexander motherfucking McQueen's spring/summer 2011 collection. This makes her the first ANTM winner to land an international deal. Well, squint my eyes and tell me I'm smizing, how do you like that? I love love love that when this bullshit-ass show is at its most bullshit-assedness (i.e. a short cycle), it produces results that are actually impressive. That's perfectly absurd for the deliriously skewed universe that is ANTM: this show holds up a funhouse mirror to a fashion world that is already holding up a funhouse mirror to the real world. It's basically logical that the short winner would find actual success. It's simple mirror math, people. (It also doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous.) Regardless: BRAVO! (Thanks for the tips, Miss Crowland and Erica!)

Update: Oops, never mind: "Alexander McQueen denies that the company has any plans to contract the services of Nicole Fox. We wish her the best in her career, but we have had no contact with Ms. Fox or her representatives. The rumors are baseless."

Smile with your bloody eyeball!

 

Tyra done picked a pretty 'un this time!

Uh...mer...ic...uh...'s...Next...To...P...Mah...Duhl...Is...

Duh!

The ptosis with the leastest

Alternate punny post title:

 

"Imp interrupted." Or "Impterrupted", even. Or, hey, how 'bout, "The evil, dead"? God, a double elimination yields an embarrassment of riches. Or an embarrassment of bitches, even. Hey, there goes another one. I'm like Lionel Richie: I can't slow down.

Sundai'll come out tomorrow

Sundai promised she'd tell her tale of orphanhood if she made it to the Top 4. Given this show's reliance on catharsis and oversharing, you would think that alone would have cruised her through. But no: orphan, interrupted. I can't tell if that means the show is maturing or that like everyone else, it just doesn't give a fuck anymore.

Human differential

I love that Brittany was called out for looking too catalog. I wonder what catalog this could be for? The Curried Feather Company, specializing in all things red: from skin to dots?

Oh ma gawd, y'all!

Ah just peed myself and am unable to post an ANTM recap today. I have to spend my day air-drying. Sahrray!

(Just kidding. It was Halloween. Gimme a break.)

Recap tomorrow. In the meantime, if you need to be entertained, I highly suggest watching Keyshia Cole's mom Frankie on the BET Hip Hop Awards red carpet (embedded below the jump because I can't figure out how to take it off autoplay). She is a fearless interviewer who'll physically drag a celebrity over to her camera and ask questions no one else would (Anaconda, anyone?). This is the best use of a drug-addled past that I've ever witnessed. This is really a phenomenal moment.

Eraesed

Hey look, Halloween came early!

(Tyra seriously makes the best faces at these girls before she lets them go. If only they'd learn by example, we'd have not just a tank full of hamsters, but a coven of them.)