fourfour

You will see me again

 

With last week's end of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15, I thought this cut of exit interviews throughout the years was appropriate. Above are some of the more self-aggrandizing examples that being eliminated has produced -- so many of these girls vow to us that we'll see them again and that they'll be as big as Tyra Banks promised. How many of the 50 or so girls above have made good on that promise? The answer, of course, is virtually zero (I guess Fatima has done all right?). I don't know if that makes this video hilarious or so, so sad (but I'm thinking it's the latter).

This cliche is, of course, prevalent on unscripted TV in general (American Idol has a large number of people who voice such this-isn't-the-last-you've-seen-of-me sentiment), but I think it's hilarious how many examples come from ANTM alone. A lot of girls would kill to be saying, "A lot of girls would kill..." upon being eliminated from clown school, apparently.

(All credit goes to reader Mike [aka rustyspigot] for giving me this idea over a year ago. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I generally come around.)

Happy I'm Not Here To Make Friends Day!

New year, new video, new rules. Just kidding. It's the same rules as the first video and last year's '08-'09 roundup (in a nutshell: be vile on reality TV), except people are saying it more than ever (this only spans the year's time since the last video and it's the longest of the three supercuts) and on non-competition shows like Sober House, Addicted and (my favorite) Ice Road Truckers. Everybody hates everybody! It's a tale as old as time.

You'll notice that like my Under the Bus supercut, I'm Not Here To Make Friends '10 entry has been uploaded to the Videogum player. How's that for irony? I had to call on FRIENDS to upload this video about not making them. Anyway, I did this because when I uploaded the video to YouTube this morning, as I have for the past two years, it took a while to process and then told me that it would be blocked in some regions. Upon further investigation, I found that it would be blocked worldwide, a development that is decidedly new for '10. Here's the screen (click to enlarge):

 

Fucking Viacom! I'm guessing that this has everything to do with the recent dismissal of Viacom's case against YouTube. How YouTube knew that my video contained bits (seconds at a time!) of Viacom-derived material is anyone's guess, although I think it may have read the titles I put in the actual video (I make sure to keep any signs of contraband out of the tags). I don't know. I'm going to try to upload it later without the title cards, but I feel like they make the video what it is. Mostly, I just want to experiment, toy with YouTube's genitals.

Anyway, it turns out that I can dispute this if I'm so inclined. YouTube recommends that if I want to do so on the grounds of fair use...

 

...I should employ a lawyer, which is not going to happen, because even though I'm less certain as to why I'm here than the people on reality shows, I'm certainly not here to hire lawyers. Whatever. The whole bitch of trying to get this thing uploaded matches the pain-in-the-ass, bitchy tone of the video above. It isn't justice, but it's almost poetic.

Andre Leon Talley Hearts Alizé

I thought I was done with this cycle of ANTM (and then I thought I was really done), and I only watched this week's clip show to see if anyone said, "I'm not here to make friends," (they didn't). But I'm glad I did watch it because it was enjoyable and enlightening (the secret of the marshmallow mouth-stuffing was revealed: they were playing a game called "Chubby Bunny"). At times, even, it was a mixture of both, like in the clip above, which features Angelea serving Andre Leon Talley Alizé. Obviously, the joke lies in watching someone so supposedly high class stoop down to the gutter and drink a commoner's drink. However, instead of irony, I think this might actually reflect a greater truth about A.L.T. and his career. After all, isn't ANTM is the Alizé of the fashion world? It's not good for you or your reputation and you'd probably be better of not partaking, but goddamn its completely mind-numbing charm irresistible.

Bianca vs. Laura: Deathmatch

Here's that other idea I mentioned yesterday: a cut-up conversation between the two greatest thinkers of our time ANTM Cycle 9's Bianca and Cycle 13's Laura. I figured you might like some nonsense with your nonsense, and I also wanted to pay tribute to the greatest invention of the century so far (Top Model Lounge, duh!).

So many props go to Justin Stockman for inspiring this idea.

Kristamerica

Raina said that the final battle on this 14th cycle of America's Next Top Model came down to fun and flirty versus focused and fierce. I say fuck that noise, it's finished.

Feel the chance

So, who won America's Next Top Model?

(And, more importantly, does this not look like the partial cast of characters in Clue: Gay Edition? ALT in the butt with the fist FTW!)

Jessicommercial

I think we can all agree that...

...Jessica's taco shells burned out long before her legend ever did. (Even though that ended up burning out, too.)

Alas...uuuuh...?

Dahaaaang! Alasiaaaaaaa! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!

(My favorite part is the arm sweep/flick at the end.)

Baaaah!

Usually, I have a shot of the eliminated girl in this pre-post space.

 

But when a sheep shows up in a snout-harness, all bets are off.

Brenduuuuuh!

“I’d rather be struggling in my photos but learning something new every week instead of being known for the bitch,” said...whatever her name was.