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America's Next Top Model isn't...

...Angelea.

Sex and the shitty

"It just hurts 'cause I wanna be respected as a good model," said Laura about her elimination. From this show. America's Next Top Model. The one that has for years struggled for credibility as a circus, let alone a talent search. Is that to say Laura's been hurting this whole time, or does she just yearn for the respect from those whose respect is largely considered to be a hindrance? She's better off getting Wanda Sue to sew her together some respect than looking for it here.

Dominated

The beaming smile that follows the word "train wreck" indicates that either Laura is at one with her audience's taste, or that after being fed that line by whomever was interviewing her, she (finally?) got it right. Either way: cute.

Signature walk your ass out of here

For shame! All that rouge and nowhere to go.

The return of Sheena

 

Last week, Sheena came by and I interviewed her all over again about her time on ANTM. A few tidbits:

-    She has never felt the effect of the supposed Top Model stigma.
-    There are cameras and microphones in the bathroom.
-    Tyra's internal monologue is probably in a British accent.
-    She was not able to apply any of the show's lessons to life.
-    She was paid for her participation on this cycle.
-    They were not sleep-deprived and they were allowed to read and listen to music.
-    She made them write into her contract that they wouldn't mess with her hair during Ty-overs.

Also, my "Not Here To Make Friends" shirt comes via ThinkGeek. I've been dying for a chance to wear it in the presence of someone on reality TV. Thank you, ThinkGeek!

Do model with food in your mouth

On this show, this is considered ideal:

Literally, a shot of someone showing you the half-chewed food in her mouth was deemed this week's best photo.

I love this show. SO MUCH!!!!

Scanning my life

I spent last week between jobs and attempting to organize my life. I wasn't entirely successful. I learned what I already knew: I have so much crap that I never, ever want to throw away. Below is some of it, scanned. Aren't you lucky, getting to look at my hoarding?

Now that I've made this post sound as unappetizing as possible (no cats were flattened in the making of it, I assure you!), the answer to a recurring question I've been asked more than once -- "What do you look like with hair?" -- is below, among many things that I think are actually interesting...

Nevermore

Without making a big deal out of what is not at all a big deal, I should inform you that I will no longer be writing recaps of America's Next Top Model on this blog. I no longer have the time and, frankly, the interest. Once upon a time, spending 10+ hours on a recap of this show was an accurate reflection of my love for it. But like everyone else, my interest in it has waned over the years. Right now, with what I have going on, I have time to either only cover ANTM or only cover (some of) the other pop cultural stuff I'm into at any given moment. To go the former route would turn this blog into a complete distortion of my interests, and that is so not the point.

If there is little incentive from within, there's probably even less from without (I at least feel an odd sense of guilt about all this!) -- over the cycles, traffic on the recaps has declined. When I started, I could take a few days to put together a recap and it was no big deal -- things move so fast on the Internet now that by the time Monday rolls around, a million other people have written about it and nobody cares anymore. And also maybe I've gotten worse. I don't know. Basically, killing weekends on virtually thankless posts isn't really something I'd be into doing even if I had the time.

Maybe I'll tweet about the show, but stuff that's taking up my time tends to fall on Wednesdays, anyway. So probably not. I'll never say never (but I will say, "Nevermore," apparently), so maybe I'll notice a trend on the show and write something about it mid-season. But probably not that either. Oh well. It was bound to happen. I'm 32, you know? I will continue to update this blog as actively as possible with things that catch my interest, but as far as ANTM is concerned, I'm the opposite of these people:

 

Appropriate, right?

Not in Kansas Anymore: a supercut

Above is the fruit of a few months of work: various instances of people saying something close to, "We're not in Kansas anymore." Despite the fact that no one gets the original line from the The Wizard of Oz completey right ("Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore"), it nonetheless evokes that film every time it's said. What's interesting to me about that is that it's at cliche status at this point, yet unlike, say, "catch-22" or the also frequently mangled "You're going to need a bigger boat," the saying hasn't superseded its source, no matter how many times it's been said (as evident in the amount of times Toto and Dorothy are brought up alongside it). It's pretty amazing how tenacious a hold Oz still has on pop culture (I find myself referencing it constantly, and not just in the "Kansas" way).

A full list of the movies and TV shows included in this clip are below. Supercut spoiler alert!

You will see me again

 

With last week's end of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15, I thought this cut of exit interviews throughout the years was appropriate. Above are some of the more self-aggrandizing examples that being eliminated has produced -- so many of these girls vow to us that we'll see them again and that they'll be as big as Tyra Banks promised. How many of the 50 or so girls above have made good on that promise? The answer, of course, is virtually zero (I guess Fatima has done all right?). I don't know if that makes this video hilarious or so, so sad (but I'm thinking it's the latter).

This cliche is, of course, prevalent on unscripted TV in general (American Idol has a large number of people who voice such this-isn't-the-last-you've-seen-of-me sentiment), but I think it's hilarious how many examples come from ANTM alone. A lot of girls would kill to be saying, "A lot of girls would kill..." upon being eliminated from clown school, apparently.

(All credit goes to reader Mike [aka rustyspigot] for giving me this idea over a year ago. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I generally come around.)