fourfour

Scanning my life

I spent last week between jobs and attempting to organize my life. I wasn't entirely successful. I learned what I already knew: I have so much crap that I never, ever want to throw away. Below is some of it, scanned. Aren't you lucky, getting to look at my hoarding?

Now that I've made this post sound as unappetizing as possible (no cats were flattened in the making of it, I assure you!), the answer to a recurring question I've been asked more than once -- "What do you look like with hair?" -- is below, among many things that I think are actually interesting...

Introducing: Hot Guys on Judge Judy

I started a new Tumblr. It's called Hot Guys on Judge Judy. I feel like the more you have to explain a novelty Tumblr, the less conceptually sound it is, so I'll leave it at that. Hot guys. Judge Judy. Let's get to ramming.

If you're as insane as I am and somehow have screen-grabbing means that doesn't involve taking a picture of your TV with a digital camera and feel so inclined to contribute, you can send submissions to [email protected].

I'm really exited to give this to the world. Finally, a Tumblr for people who like to masturbate to Judge Judy! (A companion Tumblr for people who like to masturbate to Judge Judy for different reasons that will consist only of Judy Sheindlin gifs is on the horizon for '11.)

Not asking; telling

This week, PBS ran the documentary Ask Not, which chronicles the history of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the increasing resistance to it from those that it affects. It was enlightening and infuriating as you'd expect, but I was shocked to find myself better understanding the perspective of those who are against out gays (or any gays) serving our country. See, one of the poster-children for the anti-Don't Ask, Don't Tell cause is this able translator who was thrown out of the military as result of the policy...

 

...and you know if someone as hot as Alex Nicholson...

...with a body and ass like his...

...was allowed to serve as an open gay man, other lonely soldiers sick of the sole outlet of masturbation would start to get ideas they normally wouldn't when around dudes of lesser hotness, and start to see Nicholson as the sexual prospect that he is. And then it'd all turn into a big, sweaty orgy of masculinity and all these guys would be pregnant because you know how gays hate birth control. What a lubey mess!

Oh, and his bf isn't too bad, either...

 

 

fourfour's 44+ reasons to love 2008 (Part 2 - 34-25)

It continues.

"Before" is hotter than "After"

I was on a plane recently, and I bought Men's Fitness. It wasn't quite for straightforward reasons, nor was it for man-ogling ones (as you'll soon see). I don't know, sometimes I need to be reminded about how good fish is and why antioxidants are helpful and how to get perfect abs in four weeks on a clear schedule and empty stomach. Sue me, I couldn't find a copy of National Review. So, I'm paging through this crap that all sounds good and right, but that must be crafted for the least amount of possible retention (otherwise, how would these magazines stay in business, printing the same things perennially?) and I'm, of course, assaulted by ads, many of them before-and-after style that are peddling things like fake steroids and cardio boosters and whey protein and adipose reducing agents and shit, and I get to this:

And it just strikes me as so unethical that this ad is, like, endorsing the body-shredding of a perfectly adorable stocky Asian dude. It's not like that type is everywhere. No, ridding the earth of one is like shooting an endangered species. It's just. Wrong.

And there's more fucked up shit in these ads, too. Trust me, I know. I'm something of an expert since going through over a dozen men's health and muscle mags and scanning these things. Since I'm past taking inconscpicous pictures of strangers frolicking on the Jersey shore ('cause that's just putting too much of my pervy mind on display), but since I do realize that summertime is chunk time, consider this my chunk coverage for the year.

Hip-hop...is bigger than Nas' tummy

I love that we live in a country where a dude can pose for an XXL shoot hunched over so as to maximize his chunk. I've never seen a better-placed American flag. I'm seriously swooning. Instead of Nigger, I think Nas' next album should be called Yummer. With a spoon, y'know?

Stuff

I'm sure by now you've seen the video for ANTM 5 contestant Lisa D'Amato's song ("song") "Ace of Spades." It's part-fun, part-offensive in a lame-white-person-does-hip-hop kinda way (offensive not because of race matters but because it takes our collective sense of humor to be outdated. Like, we're still expected to laugh at that? Didn't that joke get old with "I'm Barney Rubble and I'm here to say / I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way..."?) and utterly insistent. Seriously, "Standing here with no fear," had been buzzing around my head like flies to a dirty diaper all week. Anyway, if you missed it here it is:

The reason I'm sure by now you've seen this is most likely you've sent me an email with the link to this that starts, "I'm sure by now you've seen this..." Thank you, all 500,000 of you! But for real: I appreciate such heads-ups.

And here's some more random stuff:

- Since, not unlike ANTM's Heather, I'm on a delay (incidentally, I'm also not unlike Rock of Love's Heather in that I like to pull my tits out at will), I'm just now getting to spreading the word that  I took part in the Rockcritics Music Blogger Symposium that was posted last week. My homegirl Maura (of Idolator and herself), the illustrious Simon Reynolds, David Moore, Carl Wilson and I all answered questions about the state of the music blogosphere, if you will. I think I'm probably the least academic out of all of them, and I'm OK with that. Anyway, it's long but interesting especially if you like reading the word "blog" repeatedly.

- Here's my favorite paragraph of the week: "When it comes to free speech, we need to let a hundred flowers bloom. We need to chill. We need to stop being pussies." It's from Kurt Anderson's latest Imperial City column in New York. Those three sentences basically contain the point of my post-Imus rant from April, just, you know, succinctly.

- [Jaslene voice] This is my life... [/jv]

- I'm feeling the fuck of this song right now (and most of new Róisín Murphy album, for that matter). Also seriously obsessed with the Aeroplane Remix of Coyote's "Too Hard". That I'm completely digging a neo-disco track that veers so closely to MOR lite rock can only mean one thing: I'm getting old.

- I want to have two-minute monkey sex with Prince Harry's vodka-snorting partner.

Swoon. Seriously.

- Conversely, I do not want to have two-minute monkey sex with ANTM 8's Jael, who was spotted at this year's Burning Man Festival by John F., the boyfriend of the absolutely amazing April Winchell. He snapped pictures for me and all of you below. Enlarge with caution -- she's naked. And hula-hooping. And wearing Ugg boots. But then again: of course she is.

Seth Rogen: Hot or Not?

Help me out here.

Even though his eyes and brows are nice, I'm leaning toward "not." His resemblance to a Butterball is just too striking.

Buuuuut, I do enjoy his butt...(mildly NSFW after the jump)...

Two for...Wednesday

I can never get my shit together for Tuesdays, it would seem.

Anyway, there's obviously another place for what I'm about to say (look right), but with fourfour being the definitive record of my interests, I have to note my obsession with Flavor of Love. I'd add "...against my better judgment" as a caveat, but I think that this show has single-handedly obliterated the very notion of insight from my life. Just kidding, VH1! Love ya like a sister station!

Anyway, below are perhaps my favorite four seconds of television this year, looped a few times because that's how it goes in my head (as it has for months -- ever since I previewed Sunday's episode). If you've never seen Flavor of Love, this is pretty much all you need to know about it.

I bet that's going to end up flashing before my eyes right before I die. Exciting!

Moving from a woman lodged in my mind to one I share a mind with, what follows is a clip of Tyra telling a fairly sexy husky guy in her audience that she digs chunk. Perhaps specifically, his chunk.

I know that clip isn't super exciting or anything (haha, and now it strikes me that with the Celebrity Fit Club people in there, this post really seems like I've taken to shilling for VH1 on this blog hardcore...oops!). But really, I'm just glad to be on the same page with Ty Ty. Takes chunk to love chunk!

Here.

Here is Winston:

(Download)

Cats and string, what a combo! Ho ho, bet you never saw that before! This is more proof that owning a cat is an exciting adventure everyday. Seriously, it's a 24/7 party over here.

(More nonsense that has nothing to do with anything is below.)