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The lessons of Jersey Shore: Season 2, Episode 3

New developments. NEW DEVELOPMENTS. NEW DEVELOPMENTS. NEW DEVELOPMENTS.

The lessons of Jersey Shore: Season 2, Episode 2

Here's a fun game:

 

Find a song that synchronizes with Snooki's head bobbing and listen to it on repeat forever while looking at that gif. Mindless is how we roll from here on out.

The lessons of Jersey Shore: Season 2, Episode 1

The first lesson of Jersey Shore 2: Electric Bugs in Your Hair/Underwear?

You can take the boys and girls out of the Jersey Shore, but you can't take them out of Jersey Shore. Seems appropriately nonsensical to me!

Not capable of serious introspection...and loving it!

Cathy Horyn's snooty New York Times article "Snooki’s Time" was wrong about a lot of things -- it was full of the kind of insults you wouldn't be surprised hearing at a trashier venue (say a meat market like Bamboo), it had too many unsupported points (for example, after talking about the difficulty in carrying on a conversation with Snooki and the need to go "down to her level," Horyn does not demonstrate this with an actual exchange with Snooki, but with one involving a childhood friend of hers), and it claimed that "even viewers who claim to love Jersey Shore usually find it hard to say why," even though since December the Internet and MSM have been full of people saying exactly why (in the words of Angelina during the show's intro: UM HELLO!?!?!). Congratulations, Times, for asserting your status on the high/low culture divide by telling and not showing. You must have convinced us all, since we're all apparently as stupid as you think Snooki is.

One thing that I cannot say for sure is wrong or write is Horyn's claim that Snooki "simply isn’t capable of serious introspection." But then, neither can Horyn, who as far as we can tell, spent enough time with Snooki to write a few paragraphs, did not administer any kind of written test and is not any kind of accredited head shrink, anyway. Maybe Snooki really isn't a creature of introspect; or maybe she's smarter than Horyn would like to admit (maybe!) and decided not to share her inner thoughts with a snob who was going to write a smeary article; or maybe still, she was distracted by shiny things. Who knows? Horyn paints this as a problem (in the context of getting to the bottom of Snooki's appeal), but I think of it as a solution. Thank god Snooki and the rest of her gang don't dwell too long on connecting the dots from inside to out. Not only is that tedious, who wants to watch a bunch of superegos zzzzzzz-wrestle on TV? Id is in, baby. Id is in. Framing the point in terms of ability is, of course, more snobbishness -- regardless of what Snooki can or can't do is what she actually does. Explosion is this young woman's medium. Attacking Snooki for expressing herself in broad strokes is not very different than attacking Pollack for dripping.

Snooki, the Situation and Pauly D have, in fact, never seemed more in possession of their art than during the audio commentary that runs over five of nine episodes on The Jersey Shore Season 1 DVD set that was released last week. (Come for the commentary, but stay for the uncensored episodes, which treat us to previously unintelligible lines such as Sammi's "I don't fuckin' fuck like that!" as well as the infamous Snooki-punch edited back into its episode, a decision, which after such brouhaha, hurts my head more than an actual punch to it.) Since the typical reality show format employs running commentary on the action anyway (in the form of interviews that cut away from the main storyline), it is particularly bizarre to add another layer of chatter on top of the short-attention-span chaos we've grown to love. The three of them (and only those three) enter the recording booth with their egos ablaze -- not content to merely state what is going on in typical I-have-nothing-to-say-but-am-being-paid-so-will-participate-in-this-DVD-commentary-anyway manner, Snooki, the Situation and Pauly D often recite the show. Snooki likes saying "BITCH!" along with herself during the intro (as in, "I'm going to Jersey Shore...bitch!"), but even obscure, seemingly innocuous lines like Sammi asking Ronnie, "Did you guys hook up?" after he left Karma with Jwoww or, "They kept coming in," in reference to the entrance procession by Vinny's family apparently bear repeating/forecasting. Listening to them admire themselves, it is clear that they are giddy fans like the rest of us -- except they are not us. The Jersey Shore audio commentary tracks are perfect documents of the heightened, fascinating narcissism of the reality star that sometimes runs these shows like a perpetual motion machine (the acting out provides themselves entertainment, which makes them want to act out again and more ridiculously so as to provide themselves with future entertainment, which will only make them want to act out more...)

According to these people, this show is so real. So, so real (Ronnie cries after his boardwalk fight and Snooki enthuses, "That's real TV for you!"). Lots of people are "retards." Sammy and Ronnie are assholes. Everyone on the show is an innovator, especially the people in the room -- they pat themselves on the back for "starting" beating up the beat and GTL ("It's a national sensation," boasts the Situation). "We’re gonna bring them so much business! 'Cause they think we’re all gonna be there again," is Pauly's prediction for Seaside Heights this summer. Some awkward moments arise, since the Situation is a mostly amoral douche -- listening to him squirm when the scene of him trying to pick up just moments after Snooki was punched is worth the price of purchase alone (he stops short of comparing it to not crying over spilled milk, and mumbles something about wanting to salvage the night). The most hilarious phenomenon occurs as Pauly repeatedly expresses surprise at what he's seeing -- it's often regarding other people's interviews or things he wasn't in the room for the taping of, but still you figure he's seen the show by now, since he can fucking recite parts of it and all. I guess The Jersey Shore has so many complex and confusingly nonsensical charms that they reveal themselves only in repeat viewings. It's like classic Godard, really is what it is.

Anyway, by now I hope it's clear that this commentary is delightful -- it was a great way to refresh my memory in anticipation of Thursday's Season 2 premiere. A few more of my favorite quotes an exchanges from the commentary tracks are after the jump...

The least appropriate article of clothing EVER

My boyfriend spotted this on the Atlantic City Boardwalk (a great place to go if you like power walking out of fear!). I'm putting it after the jump because...well, you'll see why. I can't even, really. This is maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen.

fourfour = 5

I started fourfour on May 31, 2005, and I figure that the fifth anniversary of this blog is an occasion that calls for a look back. Surveying 1,116 posts that have appeared on a single blog over the course of five years is setting yourself up for looking at a whole lot of nothing, but regardless of how foolhardy my time investment has been, clearly this space has mattered to me. I'm grateful that in the rare cases that I feel like I have something that should really get out there, it almost always does. I'm grateful that I can make some money (a modest freelance wage, really) saying exactly what I think needs to be said on my terms. I'm grateful for the work/interview/interpersonal opportunities my work here has presented to me. I'm grateful that people seem to care about what I have to say, for however temporarily (I've heard, "I used to read your blog..." enough times to make me feel like I'm being oversensitive by finding those words offensive). I've always said that I like to have something to show for my time (I'm very material in that respect) and so the most I'll concede after looking at five year's worth of work is that it's been a whole lot of something.

Let it never be said that I don't know how to throw myself a party. The verdict on this blog's best offerings is probably none of my business -- I wouldn't even know how to call that if I had to. However, for the sake of retrospect, I can share with you what the most satisfying posts of the past five years were from the perspective of the person who created them and received feedback on them. My Top 20 is below.

Jersey Shore: Reunion

From this reunion, there were no lessons to speak of.

Well, maybe one:

 

"We're hilarious!"

The lessons of Jersey Shore: Finale

The Situation says, "It takes a special type of person to get through this."

 

And boy, are they ever special. Really, we all are.

(insert Snooki's "Waaaaah!")

My DVD burner has decided to forget how to close out discs, which means that it's almost 12:30 and I still don't have a DVD of the Jersey Shore finale to recap with. Look, I'm not even uploading a gif to go with this post! (Gif to go with this post TK.) This sucks, since I wanted to be timely (especially after my delay getting to last week's episodes), but whatever. I'm at the mercy of technology (and I'm not so crazy about the idea of getting a Slingbox, mostly because then archiving goes out the window, plus I don't like the picture quality). I'm dusting off my old DVD burner, so I'll try to have the finale recap up Saturday. I was planning on posting my thoughts on the reunion on Monday, anyway, so I'll hopefully still do that.

Anyway, sorry. As if I weren't emotional enough after watching seven meatheads and meatheadettes I've grown to love and lovette say goodbye to summer, this shit had to happen.

Edited to add:

The lessons of Jersey Shore: Episode 7

Where were we again?

 

Oh, right.