fourfour

Happy I'm Not Here To Make Friends Day!

New year, new video, new rules. Just kidding. It's the same rules as the first video and last year's '08-'09 roundup (in a nutshell: be vile on reality TV), except people are saying it more than ever (this only spans the year's time since the last video and it's the longest of the three supercuts) and on non-competition shows like Sober House, Addicted and (my favorite) Ice Road Truckers. Everybody hates everybody! It's a tale as old as time.

You'll notice that like my Under the Bus supercut, I'm Not Here To Make Friends '10 entry has been uploaded to the Videogum player. How's that for irony? I had to call on FRIENDS to upload this video about not making them. Anyway, I did this because when I uploaded the video to YouTube this morning, as I have for the past two years, it took a while to process and then told me that it would be blocked in some regions. Upon further investigation, I found that it would be blocked worldwide, a development that is decidedly new for '10. Here's the screen (click to enlarge):

 

Fucking Viacom! I'm guessing that this has everything to do with the recent dismissal of Viacom's case against YouTube. How YouTube knew that my video contained bits (seconds at a time!) of Viacom-derived material is anyone's guess, although I think it may have read the titles I put in the actual video (I make sure to keep any signs of contraband out of the tags). I don't know. I'm going to try to upload it later without the title cards, but I feel like they make the video what it is. Mostly, I just want to experiment, toy with YouTube's genitals.

Anyway, it turns out that I can dispute this if I'm so inclined. YouTube recommends that if I want to do so on the grounds of fair use...

 

...I should employ a lawyer, which is not going to happen, because even though I'm less certain as to why I'm here than the people on reality shows, I'm certainly not here to hire lawyers. Whatever. The whole bitch of trying to get this thing uploaded matches the pain-in-the-ass, bitchy tone of the video above. It isn't justice, but it's almost poetic.

Reconsidering Project Runway

I've recapped a lot of shit at this point, but I never worked harder on any show than Project Runway, when I wrote about it during its second and third seasons. I remember one specific recap taking me over 10 hours to prepare and complete. What a stupid waste of time that was. (Although this did come out of it, and long after I stopped caring about Project Runway, I still look back on it fondly as one of my very best Photoshop jobs ever). The problem is that I never really bonded with Project Runway the way that I have almost everything else I cover. It was never outrageous enough for my taste, so I always felt the need to inject it with the amount of absurdity necessary to make it relevant to me. (I don't know why I had the weird sense of obligation to keep with it as long as I did. Blogs make you do weird things, I suppose.) As much as I grew tired of Tim Gunn and his shtick by my second season of covering this show (quick question: What's the difference between Tim Gunn and a talking Tim Gunn bobblehead? quick answer: A pulse.), I followed his advice. I made it work.

So I fell out for sheer lack of interest, but I've been wrong a million times and I enjoy surprises, so I thought that I'd check out the long-delayed sixth season premiere. From what I can tell, the show has only changed in its location on the dial (from Bravo to Lifetime) and in the country (from New York to Los Angeles). Yawn. Shrug. Auf wiederzzzzz. 

I used to love her

I haven't been watching Project Runway at all this season. It's even less than last season, which I saw about as many times as Michael Kors has seen vagina. All's I know is that there's a hot dude and, per Anderson Cooper's reality TV rant earlier this week, a woman who says "leathuh." Also, some people say it really sucks? I don't know. But what I do know is that I saw this gif on ONTD...

...and I had a little pang of regret. Not a big pang. Not a pang I'm gonna do anything about. But a pang, all the same.

Curses! Foiled again!

By now, this is kinda old news, but I'm still getting email about it, sooo...

ANTM alumnae Danielle, Jaslene and Bianca all walked in last week's Project Runway finals.

See?

Blogging Project Runway's Laura K. pointed me to some hi-rez shots of the girls. View them here, here and here.

(Danielle at a different angle is here, too.)

I obviously was in no rush to put these up, but I finally relented. As one reader, Michelle K., put it: "It just goes to show - no matter how hard you try to fight it projrun will always haunt you!" So true! And that is why I frequently cry myself to sleep.

Thanks to everyone who sent these to me!

...and I'm out

I don't want to make a big deal about this (because it sooooooo isn't a big deal), but it looks like I will not be recapping Project Runway this season. There are two main reasons for this. The first is a matter of time: in order to cover this show in a way that would satisfy the expectations of others and me, I would need to devote virtually all my non-ANTM time to it. No thanks. I'm not interested in only writing about reality TV on this blog -- I do quite enough of that at work, and I care about far too many other media for such a specific focus. There was a Project Runway-ANTM overlap at the end of Season 3 and the beginning of Cycle 7 and it was fucking hell to cover both. No, no, no.

The second reason is that I don't think I'm that into ProjRun, anymore. Besides the forest woman and that hateable art-fag with the spine-tingling haircut, I found myself attracted to none of the (non-) personalities we met on Wednesday's Season 4 premiere. Clearly, ProjRun cast very talented and accomplished people this time around, but I wonder if by leaning so heavily toward that end, they've squandered the opportunity for compelling characters.

I'll find out -- I'm not giving up on the show entirely. I'll be watching along and if anything grabs me, I'll definitely post about it here. When ANTM ends in a month, I may pick up recapping Project Runway. It sounds like cheating, because really it is, but maybe by that point, the characters will have developed beyond their current blandness?

In any event, for all your Project Runway needs, please hit up Blogging Project Runway. They're really good people and are far more devoted to the show than I could ever be.

I feel like leaving the comments on this post open would read like I was asking people to beg me to reconsider (I wouldn't normally assume that people would even care that much, but this poll suggests otherwise). So I'm closing them just to show you how firmly resolute I am -- this is just the way it is, and it isn't up for discussion. If you do care enough to be bothered about this, I'd suggest erring on the side of assuming that I won't be covering the show at all. That way, I can only surprise you.

Riddle me this

This right here is a preview for Project Runway 4:

I'm curious about whether you find it as meh as I do. If you wouldn't mind giving me your opinion on this matter, it could help me greatly down the line.

Also, while I'm soliciting you like the cheap whore that I am, there's a survey up at the top right of this page. If you have a second, could you take it for me? Also, here's another survey. I haven't taken either, so I have no idea how long and/or obnoxious they are. I don't have to tell you that you should ignore this request if you're so inclined (because, duh, you will anyway), but I will point out that I've NEVER. ASKED. YOU. FOR. ANYTHING. I don't even have a fucking Amazon wishlist.

All right, that concludes my moment of martyrdom for today. But really: tell me all about your feelings about ProjRun 4. I'm ever so curious.

Project terminated

As sort of a reward to myself for the hours I spent writing about the show over the course of its third season, I will not be recapping the final episode of Project Runway. I'm tired, it's over and besides, there really wasn't much material worth mining in the finale episode. Trying to pull a long-form recap out of 20 minutes of kindness and runway collections would be like trying to pull blood out of a Harry Winston. I'm not sure that anyone cares at this point; I'm positive that I don't. It seems mighty pointless, now that the show is over, to be grabbing a .gif of Laura's runway strut, or illustrating the trash dump that Park Pleating must be (Sanford & Son? Ha!), or wondering aloud about exactly what Laura was questioning if it wasn't Jeffrey's integrity, or putting a sound file of "wowness" up or giving Michael the Lagerfeldian fan he's shrieking for in this shot:

Well, OK. Fine.

How could I possibly resist? I am human, you know.

Anyway, I will say that unlike Winston and 95 percent of viewers, I like that Jeffrey won. Uli's collection was stronger and Laura's had higher highs, but from a purely in-it-for-the-drama POV, I like that the ultra-prick took it all without ever really redeeming himself (save the scant instances of damage control that I pointed out). It was ballsy on the part of the judges/producers, and the mass outrage in its wake has been entertaining, as well. Again, purely in it for the drama.

So yay.

Oh, and I do have this for you: Heidi's brief discussion with John Fleming, EVP and CMO of Wal-Mart (Stores Division)...

...has produced your new ringtone. It's her response when he said any of the designers working for Wal-Mart was "always a possibility." Nice wheeze, Heids. Hear it in motion. This will be your final ProjRun new ringtone, sniff, sniff. Think of me when you get that booty call. Lowenstein, Lowenstein.

(Thanks to Rachel for pointing that one out.)

I have to give a big, well-mannered thank you to Blogging Project Runway, whose beyond-generous authors have never wavered in their support of my blog, no matter how profane, disgusting or uncalled for my recaps were. You guys are seriously too good to me.

Finally, thanks to the readers. Thanks for your emails and comments, especially the ones calling me on my shit. I can't say I really regret anything I've included in these recaps, but dissent is the roadway to thinking and understanding that I appreciate the most.

It's been fun, guys.

Winston responds to ProjRun outcome

(Download)

Take that as you will.

I'm thinking of a number between one and bullshit

Hmmmm...

Uncomfortable, isn't it?

Not hardly, Heidi! Sure, the reunion special was a little slow, a little bland and only succeeded in exposing unresolved issues instead of, you know, resolving them. But on the plus side, we got to see Alison again, we learned more about Jeffrey's colon than we ever wanted to know (and here I thought Robert had the most active ass in the competition) and we got to see this:

Who says pregnant women can't be sexy?